Big Bird's Nesting Syndrome...
It's late again after a 12 hour shift, but I'm pretty excited that people are actually reading this so I feel compelled to share another story before I can get to bed...
This story provides a pretty nice bookend to Wasilla Susie as I was in the opposite position - a nice young woman was definitely ready for a relationship and I wasn't.
This one did not start online, but was one of those kind of random meetings - I honestly don't even remember what I was doing out - some sort of shopping for something that seemed important at the time and I made some kind of witty comment (the same kind you can find here every day) and the conversation was off, which led to the phone number, which led to the first date.
We went to the Glacier Brewhouse and enjoyed a nice, busy evening filled with some pretty good food. I'm of the opinion that it's a pretty good first date place if you can't find anything better. It's in a nice place downtown, good food, and while the restaurant is nice it's not too crazy nice for a first date. Like most first dates everything went pretty well and I was rewarded with a nice kiss at the end of the night.
We went on a few more dates, but I really wasn't putting any effort into this thing. I had just gotten over a pretty crazy relationship (I'm going to need a whole month off to write that post) and was just wading back into the dating pool after a pretty long absence (I was also on TDY for 6 weeks so it was hard to date anyway). So while I was inclined to meet women I wasn't really inclined to get myself too involved.
After a week of these no effort dates (generally a quick dinner, watch a movie, make out, etc) I started getting some disturbing signs - things were being intentionally left at my place, for example. Surely I couldn't know if it was intentional, could I? Well, the major clue was when the temperature dipped down to 10 degrees and the Big Bird "left" her coat on my couch. I'm sorry, but it's very hard to believe that anyone forgets their coat in Alaska and then just happens to call 10 minutes later saying they will get it next time they're over - and, oh, when is that going to be again? Other things were left and I wasn't too concerned at this point because it was early on and I still liked her.
Then about two weeks later I had my own DTR - "define the relationship" moment. I did what any self respecting gentleman would do - I totally punted. I told her that I liked her and what we had going on, but after my last experience I wasn't going to jump into anything very quickly and it would be awhile before I would get there. It wasn't quite a "slow, very slow" moment, but it was very close. The problem is that I didn't close it right there and I didn't jump right in. Of course, to my benefit I didn't introduce her to family (although she did meet a few friends), didn't put her through any "checkride" questions - I really wasn't trying at all and I was still getting pushed. I, at least, thought my behavior was consistent with what I was saying.
At this point my approach and Big Bird's approach differed from mine - where I kind of backed off and went back to the old pattern until my moment of truth approached (my trip overseas) when I had another talk. Big Bird, however, decided that I was now a prize to be won - I got a few cooked dinners, more than a few offers for a back massage, and an invite over to her place (because she was sick) where she greeted me in a t-shirt and underwear and beckoned me in to cuddle. Needless to say this was going the route of so many Anchorage romances - down to a crazy and weird place.
Shortly thereafter there was another talk and an official end to the nesting and all that good effort. I would like to think that had Big Bird not turned into a "stage 5 clinger" I might have given her a chance in time, but in light of my dealings with Wasilla Susie I'm not so sure - I guess when something doesn't develop it just doesn't develop and there's no sense keeping someone clinging when you don't have that level of affection. And, like me, the Big Bird might have been the victim of my previous relationship. Now, of course there are differences and I've highlighted them here - I still like to think I was much more consistent in my actions than Wasilla Susie - but the similarities are striking to me when I think about it.
So I guess the real question I think about when I compare these two situations is a question of approach - can you really pursue somebody in the 21st century? Does gender affect that process - perhaps a male has an easier time being more aggressive than a woman in our culture - I don't know, but in these situations the roles were reversed with negative effects both times - when I returned to the same pattern with Wasilla Susie nothing happened except for more frustration and an eventual tough conversation and when Big Bird pursued me it only turned me sour and she lost ground from her goal. I doubt me "turning up the heat" would have helped - but maybe in another situation it might have.
Well, I don't know, but feel free to chime in - it's obvious it's getting to rambling time here at the homestead so I'll sign off for now...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
This story provides a pretty nice bookend to Wasilla Susie as I was in the opposite position - a nice young woman was definitely ready for a relationship and I wasn't.
This one did not start online, but was one of those kind of random meetings - I honestly don't even remember what I was doing out - some sort of shopping for something that seemed important at the time and I made some kind of witty comment (the same kind you can find here every day) and the conversation was off, which led to the phone number, which led to the first date.
We went to the Glacier Brewhouse and enjoyed a nice, busy evening filled with some pretty good food. I'm of the opinion that it's a pretty good first date place if you can't find anything better. It's in a nice place downtown, good food, and while the restaurant is nice it's not too crazy nice for a first date. Like most first dates everything went pretty well and I was rewarded with a nice kiss at the end of the night.
We went on a few more dates, but I really wasn't putting any effort into this thing. I had just gotten over a pretty crazy relationship (I'm going to need a whole month off to write that post) and was just wading back into the dating pool after a pretty long absence (I was also on TDY for 6 weeks so it was hard to date anyway). So while I was inclined to meet women I wasn't really inclined to get myself too involved.
After a week of these no effort dates (generally a quick dinner, watch a movie, make out, etc) I started getting some disturbing signs - things were being intentionally left at my place, for example. Surely I couldn't know if it was intentional, could I? Well, the major clue was when the temperature dipped down to 10 degrees and the Big Bird "left" her coat on my couch. I'm sorry, but it's very hard to believe that anyone forgets their coat in Alaska and then just happens to call 10 minutes later saying they will get it next time they're over - and, oh, when is that going to be again? Other things were left and I wasn't too concerned at this point because it was early on and I still liked her.
Then about two weeks later I had my own DTR - "define the relationship" moment. I did what any self respecting gentleman would do - I totally punted. I told her that I liked her and what we had going on, but after my last experience I wasn't going to jump into anything very quickly and it would be awhile before I would get there. It wasn't quite a "slow, very slow" moment, but it was very close. The problem is that I didn't close it right there and I didn't jump right in. Of course, to my benefit I didn't introduce her to family (although she did meet a few friends), didn't put her through any "checkride" questions - I really wasn't trying at all and I was still getting pushed. I, at least, thought my behavior was consistent with what I was saying.
At this point my approach and Big Bird's approach differed from mine - where I kind of backed off and went back to the old pattern until my moment of truth approached (my trip overseas) when I had another talk. Big Bird, however, decided that I was now a prize to be won - I got a few cooked dinners, more than a few offers for a back massage, and an invite over to her place (because she was sick) where she greeted me in a t-shirt and underwear and beckoned me in to cuddle. Needless to say this was going the route of so many Anchorage romances - down to a crazy and weird place.
Shortly thereafter there was another talk and an official end to the nesting and all that good effort. I would like to think that had Big Bird not turned into a "stage 5 clinger" I might have given her a chance in time, but in light of my dealings with Wasilla Susie I'm not so sure - I guess when something doesn't develop it just doesn't develop and there's no sense keeping someone clinging when you don't have that level of affection. And, like me, the Big Bird might have been the victim of my previous relationship. Now, of course there are differences and I've highlighted them here - I still like to think I was much more consistent in my actions than Wasilla Susie - but the similarities are striking to me when I think about it.
So I guess the real question I think about when I compare these two situations is a question of approach - can you really pursue somebody in the 21st century? Does gender affect that process - perhaps a male has an easier time being more aggressive than a woman in our culture - I don't know, but in these situations the roles were reversed with negative effects both times - when I returned to the same pattern with Wasilla Susie nothing happened except for more frustration and an eventual tough conversation and when Big Bird pursued me it only turned me sour and she lost ground from her goal. I doubt me "turning up the heat" would have helped - but maybe in another situation it might have.
Well, I don't know, but feel free to chime in - it's obvious it's getting to rambling time here at the homestead so I'll sign off for now...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
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