The Bar Scene...
It has occurred to me that I've stated in several posts that "the bar scene" is not the place to meet women and I've never really fully flushed that thought out. So, while I love to go out on the weekends to imbibe a bit, sing some karaoke, dance, or just hang out - the bars to find that special someone is a place full of negatives for me. It's not that I'm not having a good time or I'm not interested, but I just can't seem to pull the trigger at bars when it comes to women - even very attractive ones. For example, the other night at Koots (my second time there - a review is forthcoming) I was having fun with friends and two women (yes, attractive women) sidled up closer and closer to our group as we danced - I was encouraged (actually, almost pushed) into dancing with them, but I just wasn't interested into turning my fun time with friends into a big effort to impress a woman. I'm not saying I haven't pulled some phone numbers from bars or even met some women I've dated at bars, but this has never been the goal for going out for me, meeting women while out has always been a happy surprise. Here are some reasons why...
First, and foremost, the concept of "Beer Goggles." For those that don't know beer goggles is the effect that alcoholic beverages have on your concept of the beauty level of the opposite sex. As you drink and drink...and, well...drink - members of the opposite sex seem to get more attractive - the effect seems to vary from person to person, but I know that my temptation level definitely goes up as the attractiveness level goes down and the blood alcohol level goes up. Let's just say there's less of a legal limit that you should keep in mind and more of a weight limit ;)
The following pictures may help to illustrate my point...
So, you're at the bar and you don't really know what you're looking at, but you decide that you want it - hopefully for the longer term, but bars seem to appeal to baser instincts (I won't lie - me included). This brings me to the second reason why bars aren't the best place for singles...
The Group Dynamic - you've probably heard this by several different names - The Wingman, The Mother Hen, The Team Cockblock, etc, etc...
First, for the wingman. Generally this refers to a friend (a good friend depending the the grenade they'll have to jump on), who will engage the friend or friends of the male or female of your choice while you are free to work any magic you can on the object of your affection. In most normal situations, a park, the supermarket, church, work, even parties, or other places you might meet the opposite sex there is no need for a wingman - it's just two people having a conversation and one eventually asking for a phone number or to meet later socially. No, a wingman is needed because of the environment you're in - a bar. The inherent dangers of a bar - predatory people (in my experience not just the guys), belligerently drunk people, crazy people, creepy people, roofies, etc, etc require you not only to have someone watch your back, but also to validate you (as in, well, at least one person likes him or her in this world so at the very least they're not the worst case scenario).
The group name for this is The Mother Hen - generally the person who will encourage the group to stay together at the end of the night or give you a quick gut-check before you make the decision to get in the cab with a stranger. Generally this person will also be the DD.
The Team Cockblock is the predatory version of this group dynamic - we all know what a cockblock is, but when a wingman is used not to help you make new friends or find that special someone, but to stop others from doing so - that's a Team Cockblock.
The bottom line is that I'm all for both having friends and being safe when out on the town, but the bar scene makes this safety net necessary.
The next reason has been hinted at, but the bar scene can be full of predatory people. Now, I will say that even in Anchorage 95% of the people in any given place (well, I guess 75% at a place like Koots) are just looking at having a good time and possibly meeting a special someone - they aren't going to push it to that next and dangerous level of intentionally using alcohol or drugs to get someone in a position to go home with them, but there are those few people out there. This behavior isn't limited to men. There was a girl on the periphery of a group I hung out with in college that would always offer to drive certain men she liked home where almost invariably they would make bad decisions at the end of the night.
Lastly, even if the people aren't predatory they do seem to be a product of their environment - as that environment changes you see different aspects of a person highlighted. At a bar people will tend to be wilder, crazier, and less inhibited. Invariably the most "successful" people I see in bars are not the people that dance on tables and puking in the bathroom, but the people who have a good time, but tempers love of a good time by not letting it get out of hand.
The bottom line is that, for singles, bars are fraught with challenges to finding the right person to have a successful relationship with. A simple analogy might help - if a dating is like riding a bike, a bar is like a minefield. Minefields might be good for some things, but not ideally suited to dating. Bars are great for me to have fun with friends, but at the end of the day they're just not ideally suited to me to meet nice women or men. To put it simply, what kind of story do you want to tell your kids - "Mommy was very special, very drunk, and had massive beer goggles," or would you rather have a special, or at least normal story to tell? (I do realize this completely leaves out the kind of crazy stories you might want to tell your friends, for example, "dude, she was double jointed," but I like to think I'm at the point where I should, and am, looking for more.
But, at the end of the day, this is just my experience - what say you? Have you met someone great in a bar and how did you do it (in other words, filter out the quality from the rubbish) - have you met some crazos?
In any case, here's to the bars - they may not provide love, but they do provide endless hours of entertainment and people-watching :)
Until next time - you can find me at Koots...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
First, and foremost, the concept of "Beer Goggles." For those that don't know beer goggles is the effect that alcoholic beverages have on your concept of the beauty level of the opposite sex. As you drink and drink...and, well...drink - members of the opposite sex seem to get more attractive - the effect seems to vary from person to person, but I know that my temptation level definitely goes up as the attractiveness level goes down and the blood alcohol level goes up. Let's just say there's less of a legal limit that you should keep in mind and more of a weight limit ;)
The following pictures may help to illustrate my point...
So, you're at the bar and you don't really know what you're looking at, but you decide that you want it - hopefully for the longer term, but bars seem to appeal to baser instincts (I won't lie - me included). This brings me to the second reason why bars aren't the best place for singles...
The Group Dynamic - you've probably heard this by several different names - The Wingman, The Mother Hen, The Team Cockblock, etc, etc...
First, for the wingman. Generally this refers to a friend (a good friend depending the the grenade they'll have to jump on), who will engage the friend or friends of the male or female of your choice while you are free to work any magic you can on the object of your affection. In most normal situations, a park, the supermarket, church, work, even parties, or other places you might meet the opposite sex there is no need for a wingman - it's just two people having a conversation and one eventually asking for a phone number or to meet later socially. No, a wingman is needed because of the environment you're in - a bar. The inherent dangers of a bar - predatory people (in my experience not just the guys), belligerently drunk people, crazy people, creepy people, roofies, etc, etc require you not only to have someone watch your back, but also to validate you (as in, well, at least one person likes him or her in this world so at the very least they're not the worst case scenario).
The group name for this is The Mother Hen - generally the person who will encourage the group to stay together at the end of the night or give you a quick gut-check before you make the decision to get in the cab with a stranger. Generally this person will also be the DD.
The Team Cockblock is the predatory version of this group dynamic - we all know what a cockblock is, but when a wingman is used not to help you make new friends or find that special someone, but to stop others from doing so - that's a Team Cockblock.
The bottom line is that I'm all for both having friends and being safe when out on the town, but the bar scene makes this safety net necessary.
The next reason has been hinted at, but the bar scene can be full of predatory people. Now, I will say that even in Anchorage 95% of the people in any given place (well, I guess 75% at a place like Koots) are just looking at having a good time and possibly meeting a special someone - they aren't going to push it to that next and dangerous level of intentionally using alcohol or drugs to get someone in a position to go home with them, but there are those few people out there. This behavior isn't limited to men. There was a girl on the periphery of a group I hung out with in college that would always offer to drive certain men she liked home where almost invariably they would make bad decisions at the end of the night.
Lastly, even if the people aren't predatory they do seem to be a product of their environment - as that environment changes you see different aspects of a person highlighted. At a bar people will tend to be wilder, crazier, and less inhibited. Invariably the most "successful" people I see in bars are not the people that dance on tables and puking in the bathroom, but the people who have a good time, but tempers love of a good time by not letting it get out of hand.
The bottom line is that, for singles, bars are fraught with challenges to finding the right person to have a successful relationship with. A simple analogy might help - if a dating is like riding a bike, a bar is like a minefield. Minefields might be good for some things, but not ideally suited to dating. Bars are great for me to have fun with friends, but at the end of the day they're just not ideally suited to me to meet nice women or men. To put it simply, what kind of story do you want to tell your kids - "Mommy was very special, very drunk, and had massive beer goggles," or would you rather have a special, or at least normal story to tell? (I do realize this completely leaves out the kind of crazy stories you might want to tell your friends, for example, "dude, she was double jointed," but I like to think I'm at the point where I should, and am, looking for more.
But, at the end of the day, this is just my experience - what say you? Have you met someone great in a bar and how did you do it (in other words, filter out the quality from the rubbish) - have you met some crazos?
In any case, here's to the bars - they may not provide love, but they do provide endless hours of entertainment and people-watching :)
Until next time - you can find me at Koots...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
Dude, bars, whorehouses, the ABC the who gives a rats...it's all in the looking vs noticing. LOOKING is predatory....noticing is natural. Noticing can happen at the bar although one should not go out of ones way to do so. i.e. some chick standing near by is talking about something interesting, or she walks in front of you and something more than the fact that she is a half-dressed bar wench causes you to turn your head. The idea goes with yours: only an idiot goes to bars (or almost anywhere in fact) to LOOK...but at any given point unique individuals will self-ID. Otherwise the sole purpose of ANY outting (bar or golf or club or church or whatever) should be the good time! The good time is worth so much more. And the women will find there way to interesting or at least amusing in due course :P