Sober Like a Fox...
In a related post to "The Bar Scene" I had quite the adventure out on the town in Anchorage last night. In the spirit of fully disclosing my mistakes the way this is going to go is putting out what my drunk ass actually said/did and compare that with what my usual sober self would have said/did.
I'll also caveat this by saying I'm still quite the lightweight so if the comments don't match the amount of drinks I've had at certain points throughout the story that's why. Also, while I still don't drink nearly as much as others I've now done two weekends in a row so I guess I'm more in tune with the party scene, but expect less of these posts and much more sober stories...
Scene - My Place, Pregame
Drinks - 3 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer)
Event - My roommate was talking and since I get very conceited when I drink I wasn't listening, but sunglasses were mentioned...
Drunk Fox - SUNGLASSES!!! OMG, that is a great idea I should totally ignore everyone, jump up, and get them. For the rest of the conversation and throughout the night I will be alternatively putting them on and taking them off dramatically to get people to pay attention to me!
Sober Fox - Listening to the conversation patiently waiting to drive everyone to Humpys.
Scene - Humpys
Drinks - 4 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea)
Event - A great band is playing some good blues tunes/covers
Drunk Fox - I need to dance like I've got ants in my pants. Also, the aforementioned sunglasses are making quite the appearance.
Sober Fox - I need to dance, but I either do the "Hitch" thing and stay pretty tame or I stifle the urge.
Scene - Humpys - and we're making friends
Drinks - 5 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea, 1 Jack and Coke)
Event - Additional friends (preexisting friends - not drunk friends) have been found in the back of Humpys sitting in two booths and they have extra seats. Some go back, some stay upfront.
Drunk Fox - OMG!!! I need to meet EVERYONE!!! A very social Arctic Fox goes out and proceeds to transit back and forth and sit at every table talking to people - the volume is going up.
Sober Fox - I pick a table and enjoy the company
Scene - Humpys - and we're making friends
Drinks - 5 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea, 1 Jack and Coke)
Event - Additional friends (drunk friends, not preexisting friends) have been found at the bar at Humpys while in transit from table to table - one certain person we'll call Pilot's Wife and another we'll call News Anchor.
Pilot's Wife - You are very hot, if I weren't married I would so lay you...give me a hug...
Drunk Fox - Wow, really? Your sweater is really soft (while giving hugs in which I'm groped and felt up, but very discreetly).
Sober Fox - Wow, really? Well, I should be going back to my table...
Pilot's Wife - Meet my friend News Anchor - she is going to totally have sex with you and she's on TV, I mean, she's dating some bartender here, but he's a jerk and you should totally go for it.
Drunk Fox - (Thinking - wow - I should totally flirt with you and see how far this goes) Hey, I'm Arctic Fox, you are very pretty - let me do a ring check on you...(proceeds to take her left hand)
Sober Fox - What the hell are you reading this line for, I'm back at the table.
News Anchor - (As I'm taking her hand) OMG, we would have such good sex you have no idea - but we have to be careful because my boyfriend's here.
Drunk Fox - Yes, we must be very careful, oh, but there you go giving me a kiss...
News Anchor - Kissing the Drunk Fox.
Pilot's Wife - Oh man, I'm so totally getting you laid tonight! Call me tomorrow and we'll have dinner and I'll get you laid some more!
(Editorial Note) - I have no idea why this woman was so interested in getting me laid - I think she was thinking she was going to get me together with News Anchor, but the thought expressed itself as getting me laid.
News Anchor - Here comes the boyfriend - let me get your phone number before he comes over
Drunk Fox - This is such a good idea - you are so out of my league - hahahaha
Pilot's Wife - (Whispering to me in yet another hug as the boyfriend arrives) - You totally need to save her from this, you are so much better than this guy, you need to be her boyfriend, make sure to give me a call tomorrow and I'll hook it up
Roommate - Drunk Fox, we're leaving - I'm coming to save you because I think this group is trying to hook you up with the unattractive DD of this group.
Drunk Fox - ADD takes over and we're gone!
Scene - Anchor Bar
Drinks - 6 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea, 1 Jack and Coke, 1 Jager and Red Bull)
Event - We're at the Anchor and it's dancing time, the sunglasses make a reappearance, and the cougars are on the hunt.
Drunk Fox - Micheal Jackson is on and I need to moonwalk!
The Sandwich - Arctic Fox - what's up!
(Yes, that's right The Sandwich and Miss S were at the Anchor! Miss S avoided me like smallpox though)
Drunk Fox - DUDE!!! What's up! High fives abound...
Sober Fox - Stays with the group and avoids The Sandwich and Miss S like smallpox.
Cougar 1 - Hey, that's a cool dance - you should totally dance with us...cool sunglasses...we're a couple of high school teachers on the town
Sober Fox - Hey, I'm still with the group you drunk ass...
Drunk Fox - I SHOULD totally dance with you - high school teachers are cool and I received really good marks in school, grinding abounds...on Cougar 1
Cougar 2 - Cougar 1 you should totally go home with him tonight
Cougar 1 - Yes, but we should totally kiss first...
Drunk Fox - Yes, that is a great idea - none of my friends are going to see! Drunken dance floor making out commences
and goes...and goes...and goes...okay....
Cougar 1 - How old are you?
Drunk Fox - 23, but I'll be 24 in a month!
Cougar 2 - Oh yeah, anyone under 25 you have to take!
Cougar 1 - Oh, he might even be too young for me, why don't you put in some effort Drunk Fox (like saying, "c'mon") and I'm totally in your bed tonight
Lights come up...and ADD kicks in
Drunk Fox - Where is my jacket, I must find my jacket - bye, bye Cougar, rare synapses of common sense kick in and reminds me I have a date on Tuesday and need to be good...
Awesome friend - Louis, I'm saving you from a bad bad time and we're getting out of here - your jacket is over there...
Scene - Home Sweet Home
Drinks - 6 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea, 1 Jack and Coke, 1 Jager and Red Bull)
Event - We've made it home thanks to a good friend who warned me repeatedly (probably to punch through the drunk fog) to stay away from Pilot's Wife.
Drunk Fox - Hmm, two missed calls from Pilot's Wife, I should totally call her.
Sober Fox - Wow, why did I get this woman's number - this is a bad idea, we'll sleep on it
Pilot's Wife - You missed it! I called so my DD could pick you up and we could all go back to my place in Eagle River, but we're there already! News Anchor has passed out so you missed it tonight, but give me a call tomorrow and I'll cook you dinner and hook you up!
Drunk Fox/Sober Fox - Time to have some water and go to sleep/Time to go to sleep.
So, yes, it was quite the night. It will be the subject of future posts, but this preceding was a prime example of a couple things...
1.) For some reason, I do better talking to women when I've had a few drinks, but the drinking kicks in the ADD so even if I had an inclination to close the deal I tend not to. This is probably a good thing in Anchorage.
2.) For some reason, Anchorage women recognize me as a "nice guy" no matter where I am and how much I've had to drink - it might be as simple as the lack of groping on my part and the ability to form semi-coherent sentences even while drunk, but I'm always the nice guy that people want to hook up their friends (not just Canadian people).
Well, until next time - stay safe and watch the news, and watch out for cougars!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
I'll also caveat this by saying I'm still quite the lightweight so if the comments don't match the amount of drinks I've had at certain points throughout the story that's why. Also, while I still don't drink nearly as much as others I've now done two weekends in a row so I guess I'm more in tune with the party scene, but expect less of these posts and much more sober stories...
Scene - My Place, Pregame
Drinks - 3 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer)
Event - My roommate was talking and since I get very conceited when I drink I wasn't listening, but sunglasses were mentioned...
Drunk Fox - SUNGLASSES!!! OMG, that is a great idea I should totally ignore everyone, jump up, and get them. For the rest of the conversation and throughout the night I will be alternatively putting them on and taking them off dramatically to get people to pay attention to me!
Sober Fox - Listening to the conversation patiently waiting to drive everyone to Humpys.
Scene - Humpys
Drinks - 4 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea)
Event - A great band is playing some good blues tunes/covers
Drunk Fox - I need to dance like I've got ants in my pants. Also, the aforementioned sunglasses are making quite the appearance.
Sober Fox - I need to dance, but I either do the "Hitch" thing and stay pretty tame or I stifle the urge.
Scene - Humpys - and we're making friends
Drinks - 5 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea, 1 Jack and Coke)
Event - Additional friends (preexisting friends - not drunk friends) have been found in the back of Humpys sitting in two booths and they have extra seats. Some go back, some stay upfront.
Drunk Fox - OMG!!! I need to meet EVERYONE!!! A very social Arctic Fox goes out and proceeds to transit back and forth and sit at every table talking to people - the volume is going up.
Sober Fox - I pick a table and enjoy the company
Scene - Humpys - and we're making friends
Drinks - 5 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea, 1 Jack and Coke)
Event - Additional friends (drunk friends, not preexisting friends) have been found at the bar at Humpys while in transit from table to table - one certain person we'll call Pilot's Wife and another we'll call News Anchor.
Pilot's Wife - You are very hot, if I weren't married I would so lay you...give me a hug...
Drunk Fox - Wow, really? Your sweater is really soft (while giving hugs in which I'm groped and felt up, but very discreetly).
Sober Fox - Wow, really? Well, I should be going back to my table...
Pilot's Wife - Meet my friend News Anchor - she is going to totally have sex with you and she's on TV, I mean, she's dating some bartender here, but he's a jerk and you should totally go for it.
Drunk Fox - (Thinking - wow - I should totally flirt with you and see how far this goes) Hey, I'm Arctic Fox, you are very pretty - let me do a ring check on you...(proceeds to take her left hand)
Sober Fox - What the hell are you reading this line for, I'm back at the table.
News Anchor - (As I'm taking her hand) OMG, we would have such good sex you have no idea - but we have to be careful because my boyfriend's here.
Drunk Fox - Yes, we must be very careful, oh, but there you go giving me a kiss...
News Anchor - Kissing the Drunk Fox.
Pilot's Wife - Oh man, I'm so totally getting you laid tonight! Call me tomorrow and we'll have dinner and I'll get you laid some more!
(Editorial Note) - I have no idea why this woman was so interested in getting me laid - I think she was thinking she was going to get me together with News Anchor, but the thought expressed itself as getting me laid.
News Anchor - Here comes the boyfriend - let me get your phone number before he comes over
Drunk Fox - This is such a good idea - you are so out of my league - hahahaha
Pilot's Wife - (Whispering to me in yet another hug as the boyfriend arrives) - You totally need to save her from this, you are so much better than this guy, you need to be her boyfriend, make sure to give me a call tomorrow and I'll hook it up
Roommate - Drunk Fox, we're leaving - I'm coming to save you because I think this group is trying to hook you up with the unattractive DD of this group.
Drunk Fox - ADD takes over and we're gone!
Scene - Anchor Bar
Drinks - 6 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea, 1 Jack and Coke, 1 Jager and Red Bull)
Event - We're at the Anchor and it's dancing time, the sunglasses make a reappearance, and the cougars are on the hunt.
Drunk Fox - Micheal Jackson is on and I need to moonwalk!
The Sandwich - Arctic Fox - what's up!
(Yes, that's right The Sandwich and Miss S were at the Anchor! Miss S avoided me like smallpox though)
Drunk Fox - DUDE!!! What's up! High fives abound...
Sober Fox - Stays with the group and avoids The Sandwich and Miss S like smallpox.
Cougar 1 - Hey, that's a cool dance - you should totally dance with us...cool sunglasses...we're a couple of high school teachers on the town
Sober Fox - Hey, I'm still with the group you drunk ass...
Drunk Fox - I SHOULD totally dance with you - high school teachers are cool and I received really good marks in school, grinding abounds...on Cougar 1
Cougar 2 - Cougar 1 you should totally go home with him tonight
Cougar 1 - Yes, but we should totally kiss first...
Drunk Fox - Yes, that is a great idea - none of my friends are going to see! Drunken dance floor making out commences
and goes...and goes...and goes...okay....
Cougar 1 - How old are you?
Drunk Fox - 23, but I'll be 24 in a month!
Cougar 2 - Oh yeah, anyone under 25 you have to take!
Cougar 1 - Oh, he might even be too young for me, why don't you put in some effort Drunk Fox (like saying, "c'mon") and I'm totally in your bed tonight
Lights come up...and ADD kicks in
Drunk Fox - Where is my jacket, I must find my jacket - bye, bye Cougar, rare synapses of common sense kick in and reminds me I have a date on Tuesday and need to be good...
Awesome friend - Louis, I'm saving you from a bad bad time and we're getting out of here - your jacket is over there...
Scene - Home Sweet Home
Drinks - 6 (1 Screwdriver, 1 Rum and Coke, 1 Beer, 1 Long Island Ice Tea, 1 Jack and Coke, 1 Jager and Red Bull)
Event - We've made it home thanks to a good friend who warned me repeatedly (probably to punch through the drunk fog) to stay away from Pilot's Wife.
Drunk Fox - Hmm, two missed calls from Pilot's Wife, I should totally call her.
Sober Fox - Wow, why did I get this woman's number - this is a bad idea, we'll sleep on it
Pilot's Wife - You missed it! I called so my DD could pick you up and we could all go back to my place in Eagle River, but we're there already! News Anchor has passed out so you missed it tonight, but give me a call tomorrow and I'll cook you dinner and hook you up!
Drunk Fox/Sober Fox - Time to have some water and go to sleep/Time to go to sleep.
So, yes, it was quite the night. It will be the subject of future posts, but this preceding was a prime example of a couple things...
1.) For some reason, I do better talking to women when I've had a few drinks, but the drinking kicks in the ADD so even if I had an inclination to close the deal I tend not to. This is probably a good thing in Anchorage.
2.) For some reason, Anchorage women recognize me as a "nice guy" no matter where I am and how much I've had to drink - it might be as simple as the lack of groping on my part and the ability to form semi-coherent sentences even while drunk, but I'm always the nice guy that people want to hook up their friends (not just Canadian people).
Well, until next time - stay safe and watch the news, and watch out for cougars!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
Oh drunk one. You can be quite hilarious except you forgot to mention the part where "drunk fox" gets louder and louder on the way home while "good friend" was driving and issuing warnings about "pilot's wife." I'm so proud of you for not answering the call... although I do have to say that I somehow missed the drunken cougar making out at Anchor.... Darn.
Anyway... A "good friend" signing off ;)
p.s. Sober Fox had the pleasure of hearing much of the story behind PW and why said person is bad news...