The Shotgun Approach...
I have returned!!!!
Have no fear dear readers - the recent family crisis is mostly resolved and now I'm looking forward to bigger and better things both professionally and personally. However, I have been tapped for a trip to Hawaii so while I am making a pretty good post here this will probably be the only one for the next couple of weeks - hopefully this will be enough to tide all three of you over...on to the post...
I was once described as having a "shotgun" approach to humor - if I just throw some stuff out in a scattershot sort of way, some of my jokes are bound to hit home. How does this apply to dating you ask? Well, recently I've been taking the same approach to dating. This all happened very accidentally, but the more I think about it the more I like it and the logic behind it.
To put in a simpler way - I'm playing the field...
In college and the more normal world of Iowa cornfields I was very against dating more than one woman at a time. Generally the women were quality enough to want to concentrate on and dating more than one woman at a time created scheduling difficulties and confusion. Plus, I've always been the type of guy that wants to put his full attention into one woman - see how it plays out, and then move on - it's just simpler for everyone involved.
In Anchorage, however, the "one at a time" approach becomes more problematic for a few reasons. First - I tend to be a bit more popular (at times) with the ladies of Anchorage. There might be more than one (seemingly) nice woman around and I might have trouble deciding exactly want to do. Second, the women of Anchorage are crazy like you read about (in this blog), however, sometimes this craziness doesn't become apparent right away - it might be a couple of weeks after you decide to focus on just one woman - by the time you figure out she has a shrine to you in her basement next to the voodoo dolls of past boyfriends (not a real story...yet) it might be too late to call the other woman you met around the same time. I'm sure some guys could swing it, but for me it would just end with an awkward excuse of why I waited two weeks to call - and that's if this proverbial diamond in the rough remembered who I was anyway. Lastly, even if the woman isn't crazy there's a good chance I'll screw something up with the normal lady in the early going and might need (how do I say this?) a "fallback position."
So, in the ideal situation I might start out with four eligible bachelorettes that I met around the same time. The first week I might go out with the #1 ranked prospect and find out she's going to Botswana for three months - well, she's out until she's back and checked for malaria. That same week #2 (WHO DOES NUMBER 2 WORK FOR - sorry, couldn't resist) and I might go to the Moose's Tooth. She's nice and I'm relaxed because I don't like her as much as #1 and we really hit it off. #3 and I might never go out because that happens for various reasons and I might quickly find out that #4 enjoys satanic rituals - a hobby that I don't share. So, in a about two weeks of dating, maybe less, I've weeded out a crazo, saved myself from uselessly pursuing #3, and found a probable, but possibly mythical, nice woman.
My current situation is like this - although with only three, now narrowed down to two, prospects...
#1 - The Doctor - The Doctor and I met on my birthday (happy birthday to me!) through a mutual friend. We've talked a few times on the phone and things are going okay. The pros are that she seems like a normal woman from the lower 48, has a good job, we have a mutual friend that can help my efforts, and the chances of craziness are low for a few reasons. First, there are very legitimate reasons for a medical professional to come to Alaska that has nothing to do with running away from the sane reality that is the lower 48 - loan paybacks, better advancement, etc. Second, a doctor is a profession that doesn't usually turn crazy. Lastly, she's only been in Alaska for less than a year so if you assume she came here sane then she may have not had enough time to become crazy through whatever mechanism makes single women crazy up here. The cons are mainly scheduling related - she's very busy in her residency and I'm very busy and on TDY quite a bit (but that should be slowing down starting mid-May).
#2 - The Bag Lady - See previous post. The latest update is that there is none - I think she's still at home on leave and I'll be in Hawaii until the the second week of April - we'll she how it goes after that.
#3 - Don't Touch Me! - This happened so fast I didn't even know what was going on. When I was at home I got a contact on my dating website of choice and she seemed normal in the first few e-mails. Then on the phone the first warning sign was that she was worried I wouldn't be able to "handle" her. She kept mentioning that she was a "handful." I personally didn't see anything too wrong and we talked on the phone for about two weeks. We finally had a pretty low key, hang out kind of date yesterday. I had to deal with a phenomenon called "The Obtrusive Roommate." Either your roommate or theirs don't get the hint that you might be on a date and doesn't bug out to let you watch the movie. So there was the three of us, on a date, hanging out. I playfully gave a kiss on the cheek and she was surprised and moved away. Had we been alone I would have gotten the hint, but her roomie was there so I thought that might have been the issue (even though I had already, and rather loudly, gotten the roommate approval). So, when I was leaving I gave another kiss on the cheek and joked that she didn't pull away. We laughed a bit, she told me next time to wear more comfortable clothes if we have a night in (I wore my "good" pair of my two pairs of non-Air Force shoes). I figured I was good so when I gave her a call tonight I got no answer and was a bit confused. Well, I was confused for about five minutes until I got a long text about how if a "woman pulls away the first time you try for a kiss" you should take the hint and not be too pushy the second time around and she didn't want to see me again because of the aforementioned "pushiness".
Really? A kiss on the cheek? That was that offensive? I had, indeed, found my crazy girl in the group - I certainly could not "handle" that amount of insanity. If I had held her hand she might have sicked her dog on me, but luckily I wasn't nearly that bold. However, I must apologize to my younger readers for the adult content in the last few paragraphs. The best course, as always, is abstinence - the only way to prevent craziness, the common cold, and cooties is to refuse to kiss (even on the cheek) and definitely not hold hands (that's just crazy talk).
Also, for the record this woman - Don't Touch Me - is a "Passions" consultant - she sells sex toys. Hypocritical much? Maybe she was testing me to see if I could deal with how much of a handful she was (now a new code for crazy), but I've been around the block here in Anchorage a few too many times to fall for that one again.
So, we're down to two heading into the All-Star Break in Hawaii - what awaits me on the other side? Only time will tell!
Also, all comments are very welcome and requested on the latest "Don't Touch Me" incident - have you ever run into that kind of closed off situation? What happened to you?
Until next time - please take the hint and stay out of my three foot space bubble!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
Have no fear dear readers - the recent family crisis is mostly resolved and now I'm looking forward to bigger and better things both professionally and personally. However, I have been tapped for a trip to Hawaii so while I am making a pretty good post here this will probably be the only one for the next couple of weeks - hopefully this will be enough to tide all three of you over...on to the post...
I was once described as having a "shotgun" approach to humor - if I just throw some stuff out in a scattershot sort of way, some of my jokes are bound to hit home. How does this apply to dating you ask? Well, recently I've been taking the same approach to dating. This all happened very accidentally, but the more I think about it the more I like it and the logic behind it.
To put in a simpler way - I'm playing the field...
In college and the more normal world of Iowa cornfields I was very against dating more than one woman at a time. Generally the women were quality enough to want to concentrate on and dating more than one woman at a time created scheduling difficulties and confusion. Plus, I've always been the type of guy that wants to put his full attention into one woman - see how it plays out, and then move on - it's just simpler for everyone involved.
In Anchorage, however, the "one at a time" approach becomes more problematic for a few reasons. First - I tend to be a bit more popular (at times) with the ladies of Anchorage. There might be more than one (seemingly) nice woman around and I might have trouble deciding exactly want to do. Second, the women of Anchorage are crazy like you read about (in this blog), however, sometimes this craziness doesn't become apparent right away - it might be a couple of weeks after you decide to focus on just one woman - by the time you figure out she has a shrine to you in her basement next to the voodoo dolls of past boyfriends (not a real story...yet) it might be too late to call the other woman you met around the same time. I'm sure some guys could swing it, but for me it would just end with an awkward excuse of why I waited two weeks to call - and that's if this proverbial diamond in the rough remembered who I was anyway. Lastly, even if the woman isn't crazy there's a good chance I'll screw something up with the normal lady in the early going and might need (how do I say this?) a "fallback position."
So, in the ideal situation I might start out with four eligible bachelorettes that I met around the same time. The first week I might go out with the #1 ranked prospect and find out she's going to Botswana for three months - well, she's out until she's back and checked for malaria. That same week #2 (WHO DOES NUMBER 2 WORK FOR - sorry, couldn't resist) and I might go to the Moose's Tooth. She's nice and I'm relaxed because I don't like her as much as #1 and we really hit it off. #3 and I might never go out because that happens for various reasons and I might quickly find out that #4 enjoys satanic rituals - a hobby that I don't share. So, in a about two weeks of dating, maybe less, I've weeded out a crazo, saved myself from uselessly pursuing #3, and found a probable, but possibly mythical, nice woman.
My current situation is like this - although with only three, now narrowed down to two, prospects...
#1 - The Doctor - The Doctor and I met on my birthday (happy birthday to me!) through a mutual friend. We've talked a few times on the phone and things are going okay. The pros are that she seems like a normal woman from the lower 48, has a good job, we have a mutual friend that can help my efforts, and the chances of craziness are low for a few reasons. First, there are very legitimate reasons for a medical professional to come to Alaska that has nothing to do with running away from the sane reality that is the lower 48 - loan paybacks, better advancement, etc. Second, a doctor is a profession that doesn't usually turn crazy. Lastly, she's only been in Alaska for less than a year so if you assume she came here sane then she may have not had enough time to become crazy through whatever mechanism makes single women crazy up here. The cons are mainly scheduling related - she's very busy in her residency and I'm very busy and on TDY quite a bit (but that should be slowing down starting mid-May).
#2 - The Bag Lady - See previous post. The latest update is that there is none - I think she's still at home on leave and I'll be in Hawaii until the the second week of April - we'll she how it goes after that.
#3 - Don't Touch Me! - This happened so fast I didn't even know what was going on. When I was at home I got a contact on my dating website of choice and she seemed normal in the first few e-mails. Then on the phone the first warning sign was that she was worried I wouldn't be able to "handle" her. She kept mentioning that she was a "handful." I personally didn't see anything too wrong and we talked on the phone for about two weeks. We finally had a pretty low key, hang out kind of date yesterday. I had to deal with a phenomenon called "The Obtrusive Roommate." Either your roommate or theirs don't get the hint that you might be on a date and doesn't bug out to let you watch the movie. So there was the three of us, on a date, hanging out. I playfully gave a kiss on the cheek and she was surprised and moved away. Had we been alone I would have gotten the hint, but her roomie was there so I thought that might have been the issue (even though I had already, and rather loudly, gotten the roommate approval). So, when I was leaving I gave another kiss on the cheek and joked that she didn't pull away. We laughed a bit, she told me next time to wear more comfortable clothes if we have a night in (I wore my "good" pair of my two pairs of non-Air Force shoes). I figured I was good so when I gave her a call tonight I got no answer and was a bit confused. Well, I was confused for about five minutes until I got a long text about how if a "woman pulls away the first time you try for a kiss" you should take the hint and not be too pushy the second time around and she didn't want to see me again because of the aforementioned "pushiness".
Really? A kiss on the cheek? That was that offensive? I had, indeed, found my crazy girl in the group - I certainly could not "handle" that amount of insanity. If I had held her hand she might have sicked her dog on me, but luckily I wasn't nearly that bold. However, I must apologize to my younger readers for the adult content in the last few paragraphs. The best course, as always, is abstinence - the only way to prevent craziness, the common cold, and cooties is to refuse to kiss (even on the cheek) and definitely not hold hands (that's just crazy talk).
Also, for the record this woman - Don't Touch Me - is a "Passions" consultant - she sells sex toys. Hypocritical much? Maybe she was testing me to see if I could deal with how much of a handful she was (now a new code for crazy), but I've been around the block here in Anchorage a few too many times to fall for that one again.
So, we're down to two heading into the All-Star Break in Hawaii - what awaits me on the other side? Only time will tell!
Also, all comments are very welcome and requested on the latest "Don't Touch Me" incident - have you ever run into that kind of closed off situation? What happened to you?
Until next time - please take the hint and stay out of my three foot space bubble!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
I'm not so sure that the Obtrusive Roommate wasn't getting the hint. If this girl was so nazi-ish about personal contact it's likely that Roomie was there on orders to make sure you didn't get fresh. Which you did, you cheeky monkey.
That's probably the case, but she's still a crazo...
Oh, no doubt she's a crazo. If there had been a second hang-out date and you were wearing something comfortable, she should have worn a burqa. That way you would have known to keep your cheeky paws off of her and you wouldn't have been tempted by her wily feminine charms to go so totally out of control.
You find the strangest girls I have ever heard of but on the bright side of things... you make me happy to be married. Have fun in Hawaii.
Wow, I can't believe you were so forward... what is this 1863?
Oh well, 2 months, 5 days, 12 hours, 38 minutes to go.
Well, my comment involves a common friend of ours in an obtrusive roomate-esk situation. Freshman yearh, 8th floor larch. I got my roomate out of there and my 'date' erin and I were watching a movie. Obviously I hadn't closed the door well enough cuz in walks Weber. He didn't get the clue right away, he went ahead and asked whatever he needed, but upon noticing who I was with said something like "oh, well I'll just catch you later" and retreated. We weren't caught doing anything racy, like kissing on the cheek, but it was close. Funny story tho, about a year later on my first date w/ Liz we were caught making out by her next door neighbor. To further add to the embarasment we went to HS together and she worked w/ my ex-gf who heard all about the incident at work the next day. Which is why I didn't have a date to dining out Sophmore year....annnnnnd scene.