What Happens In Vegas...Goes On This Blog Part I...(Liveblogging From Gate C3 in Portland, OR)

(Goes into Harry Carey mode...) Helllllo everybody!  Welcome to another exciting game of Arctic Fox goes TDY to Nellis AFB and rocks Vegas! 

That's right folks I was in Vegas for the second time in as many months for another short (just a few days) TDY.  It was fun, it was sun, and it was...stories.  I'm on my way back right now sitting at Gate C3 in the lovely Portland International Airport waiting about another hour before my boarding my sweet, sweet flight back home to Anchorage (where my WeatherBug tells me it's currently 17 degrees and dark...oh so dark).  I'm sitting next to a lovely young lady who let me share the plug that allows me to live blog from this airport as my laptop battery has the lifespan of Baby Beluga surrounded by Japanese boats (whale hunting...it's hilarious...sorry - it was on my mind ever since I saw a preview of Whale Wars on Animal Planet).

Now, instead of trying to talk to this lovely young lady...maybe getting her name, dating for a bit, getting serious, having the Air Force talk, getting married, having kids, and settling for a nice life somewhere I'm going to blog instead.  I mean, look who we are talking about here...I would probably just come off all creepy, lose my plug, lose my post because of lack of power and have to sit awkwardly on the other side of the gate...that's not very appealing so it's your move lady in the white light jacket....your move....

While I wait for that inevitable move I'll tell you about some of my observations while in Vegas.  First of all, I didn't get really crazy.  These last two TDYs I've been with older pilots (Lt Col types) that have their own friends (hanging with old dudes rocks my socks!) or married folks looking to "reconnect."  I have one buddy down there, but you quickly find that most people that live in Vegas try to avoid the one place that all visitors want to see - the Strip.  So we usually do a dinner and hang and then I bust downtown.  Because I'm by myself, however, I'm very reluctant to get crazy and end up waking up in a bathtub full of ice...oh God where's my kidney...oh man oh man oh man...you get my point here. 

So, I usually end up seeing some shows, maybe having a drink or two, lose some money on the blackjack tables, place a sports bet and maybe talk to some folks, but that's about it.  This time, however, was a bit different as I got...well...I think hit on a couple times - which leads me to my first observation....

1.) If women hit on men they need to make it obvious - like when the cougars were hitting on Tom and myself at Humpys. 

Let me back up here...I've always been the guy saying - "Hey, women, we're clueless...hit on us!"  I hate the whole bar/singles dating scene that either entails the "dance up beind a woman and hope for the best" school of thought or make awkward eye contact, buy her a drink so you look more attractive, and hope your conversational skills/appearance will get you to a phone number school of dating.  It's weird, I don't like dancing up behind women unannounced, I don't like buying drinks as a means to open a conversation, and there's all sorts of dynamics and rules and everything else that makes it difficult for us guys.  So I, like a million others, had the thought to just tell women to hit on us - there's no confusion there and it makes everything much more relaxed because men are actually open to meeting women outside the odd social rules that usually governs such activities. 

However, this weekend made me think about a refinement to my thoughts - as I said, make it obvious - give us something to work with.  I don't want to make it hard for you all, the whole point of having women hit on me (us) is to make this all easier, but you just can't throw some shit up on the wall and hope it sticks! 

Here's what happened....I was walking through the casino (Caesars Palace) and these two women walk over to me, grab my arm to stop me and say, "Hey, you have a nice jacket."  Really?  Nice jacket is the best you can come up with?  What the hell am I supposed to do with that?  I actually asked that question to a nice woman from Arizona at the Blackjack table with her husband and she told me to tell them "nice tits" as a response.  I think that might even work in Anchorage - but that will have to wait until my next night at Fatties.  I ended up saying thanks, enduring an awkward moment, and moved on to my show (I was seeing Jerry Seinfeld).  I'm pretty sure they were hitting on me - they walked over to me, grabbed my arm, and my jacket isn't that nice (for Vegas).  It's decent for Alaska - a leather blazer that I got on clearance (on clearance for heaven's sake) at Macys in Seattle.  They could have said, "What are you doing," or, "Where are you from?"  No, they had to go with "nice jacket." 

That's bullshit man.

The other little moments were much less exciting - a nice conversation in the airport with a cougar, some "come hither stares" from a girl dancing at a bar at the casino (then her friend wanted to leave and I didn't want to follow), stuff like that.  The kind of stuff that really doesn't get you in any trouble, but boosts your ego.  Stuff that, if you had buddys/wingmen around you could make something with - but by yourself becomes most difficult. 

Also, in the same vein, but she wasn't hitting on me (I think) - I ate at a restaurant at Caesars Palace and the most beautiful woman I've ever seen (besides Heidi Rosenwinkel...maybe) placed the napkin in my lap - it was very unexpected, but not unwelcome. 


Ok, on the next lesson/observation...

2.) Dane Cook parties like a rockstar...


























I went to see Dane Cook and the show was running late.  I was playing on my iPhone when a stunning asian lady with a locket shaped like a stawberry came up to my little box to talk to the ladies sitting in the row in front of me.  The ladies sitting in the row were sick - they made me feel dirty because they looked so young, but they were drinking so they had to be 21...or maybe not.  Anyway, the conversation went like this...

Asian Woman - "What are you girls doing after the show?"

NOTE - this is where I perked up and started listening...girl on girl action...oh yeah....

Row Girls - "uhhhh, we don't really know"

Asian Woman - "Well, you are the kinds of ladies that Dane would absolutely love...if you don't have any plans after the show he's having an after-party in his suite."

Row Girls - "awesome, we'd love to go"

Asian Woman - "My name is Carol and my number is 623-XXX-XXXX - give me a call after the show and I'll make sure to give you directions." 

Row Girls - "great!"


WHAT THE FUCK???  I'm sitting here worried about the semi-attractive ladies noticing my jacket and Dane fucking Cook is picking four women out the crowd to party with?  More than that he has another hot girl pick out the other hot girls for him?  I've seen this shit in movies, but this is crazy.  I bet this is why the show (an awesome show by the way - he has new material) was 30 minutes late. 

Also, I love my job even though I can't really talk about it, but one thing I can't do at all is pick women out using other women to party with me in Vegas.  That is so far beyond the scope of my imagination - this what it must have been like to see Neil Armstrong walk on the moon.  Before that everyone had seen Sci-Fi movies, but no one had imagined man walking on the moon.  I had seen movies and heard stories of celebrities picking attractive people out of a crowd, but to witness it firsthand...it blew my mind.


Well, my plane is about to board and they frown upon the wireless internet on the plane so Part II including the excting conclusion of what happened with the girl I was shaing a plug with (literally...it's not a euphemism...you sick bastards). 


Until then...nice jacket...


AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox