This Christmas Sucked Monkey Balls...or...How I Learned To Love Northwest Airlines...
Hello everyone (and by that I mean Melissa, Tim, Ryan, Tom, and possibly Chris), I was going to post all of this about two weeks ago on my leave day, but then Firefox crashed and I said, "fuck it."
A warning - this post might come off as extremely depressing, but my Christmas wasn't actually that bad...it ebbed and flowed, but it just might come off that way.
That being said...even though I'm not a big fan of LOLCats or whatever they're called, the following picture adequately sums up my feelings about this latest holiday season...
It started just before I took leave - I got a call at work from the hospice folks taking care of my grandma. Before I go any further let me first say that my grandma is more like my mom than anyone else - my grandparents took both my sister and me in about 15 years ago and raised us from then on. So it was a different dynamic from the regular grandparent/grandkid relationship.
In any case I got this call that she had taken a turn for the worse with her cancer. That in itself wasn't a surprise - it was one of the main reasons I was coming home again - my grandma had been in hospice since July and I had seen her a couple of months ago, but not during Thanksgiving. I had a feeling that this would probably be her last Christmas. However, things were accelerating and I needed to get home sooner to see her...
Except that every flight before mine was scheduled was full...booked up with no possibility of even flying standby. So I had to sit there and wait until I finally got the call that my grandma had passed away two days before I was even able to leave to go home. The silver lining to all of this is that I would at least be able to go home for the funeral.
So, the plan was to fly into Chicago, get a car, drive to Cedar Falls, IA - where my sister goes to college - and drive to either Kearney, NE or Glenwood, IA for the funeral. Except that my sister, a day before I'm supposed to leave decides to go to Glenwood early...which totally negated my reason to go to Chicago. Except that I still needed to possibly get her back to Cedar Falls and I had another ticket flying out of Chicago so I still needed to fly into Chicago to not get blasted with a one-way rental car fee and the inevitable airline change fees.
I worked that all out and made plans to pack and go. The Librarian, my girlfriend at the time (oh yeah, we've already been through an entire relationship since I last posted...more on that later), kept me company so after I packed it was only two hours before my cab was supposed to arrive at 4:45 AM for a 7:30 AM flight. I decided to push it up and power through. After all, I had aircraft and layovers for naps and a night to sleep in Chicago.
4:45 came and went - I called and the cab service said they had no record of me calling, but they would send a cab shortly. 5:20 came and went. I called again and was told the cab was very close. 5:35 came and went - the cab was two minutes away - they had just talked to the driver. 5:45 came and went outside at -10 degrees and finally the cab showed up. When I asked what went wrong the cab driver said I should have allowed for more time...this was the beginning...
I make it to the airport an hour late and immediately get in the back of the line to check in (ironically the line was so long it extended back to my house...). When I get to the head of the line the computer breaks. I finally get in the back of the security line with a half hour before my flight leaves. I get to the head of the security line and am informed that I need to go through the "special security." Awesome...so I'm an Air Force officer getting patted down and my bags looked through as my flight is about to take off. So I do the whole "run through the airport thing" - after all I am trying to make a funeral - and make my flight.
The reason why I made my flight is because the plane has to sit on the tarmac for another hour. This normally would not be so bad except for the fact that I have the aisle seat in the very back row. Now, I won't get into the aisle vs. window debate here, but I will say that if you do get an aisle seat do not get it in the back row. The bathroom is right there so you are guaranteed to get your shoulder hit with a lot of ass as people go to do their business. Since we were sitting on the tarmac everyone had to pee so I got everyone's ass (so to speak). That wouldn't have even been so bad except for the fact that I was trying to sleep (because I had pushed it up and powered through) and the guy in the middle seat had a 17" Macbook with a most unusual, elbows out way of typing. Luckily there was only 5 1/2 hours of this total before we made it to Seattle.
Seattle, by the way, was like Calcutta. Humans everywhere...sprawled out, feral, and quick to violence since they had been stuck in an airport for a day or two. I make it to the S Concourse for lunch and my flight and find two restaurants that look like bread lines from early 1990s Russia. After my lunch I head to my gate - since I switched airlines I needed a new boarding pass. Despite my troubles I got in the back of the line to allow all the standby passengers stuck in Seattle to go ahead of me since I only needed that boarding pass. I get up to the front of the line and am promptly told to get on another flight with a different (longer) line and there was nothing else that could be done for me. I quickly explained that I only needed a boarding pass for this flight that was one of the few still "on time" in Seattle. She told me to get in the other line as she needed to take care of some other business. I said I would wait. She eyed me coldly, "I'll be awhile - are you sure you want to wait here or just get in the other line?" It was a challenge. I accepted, "I'll be here when you get back."
So, I waited. Other standby passengers, seeing me alone at a counter, thought that someone would be coming back for me and saw the opportunity to find a shorter line. So a line started forming behind me. Finally, after about a half hour, two agents came back and ignored me (which was quite difficult since I was across the counter) for about five minutes. They finally acknowledged me and I explained I needed a boarding pass. They told me to get in the other line for the other flight. At this point I got fed up and asked why I needed to get on another flight while this one was still on-time. The agents had a "hunch" that this one would be canceled as some more weather was coming in. I asked if they could print me out a boarding pass so I could avoid the other line - that was the acceptable compromise - I would get on the other flight if I didn't have to stand in another damn line.
Victorious, I sped to the other gate since this new flight left a bit earlier. Again, the effort was in vain since this new flight just got newly delayed. I looked over at my other gate...still on-time. Finally we board only to wait on the tarmac for two hours. I was able to see my other flight through the window leave the gate and take off for Minneapolis.
I arrived in Minneapolis very late for the next flight - it was at Gate C-7. Oh man, oh man where's Gate C-7...oh, wait...it's right over there and they're at the final boarding call. Luckily I made the flight, got into Chicago, and even got my luggage. I went outside to catch the bus for the rental area and just saw the Avis bus leave. I called and was told the buses came around every five minutes. 20 minutes later the Avis bus comes around.
I finally get my car and go to spot G-09 to fetch it, drive to a hotel, and get some sleep. Except there is no spot G-09. The G row goes from G-17 to G-35. I go inside to explain that simple fact to the person that works there. After being convinced that there is no spot G-09 we scour the parking lot looking for my car. It's not to be found so I get another car and finally go on my way.
The next morning I wake up to a blizzard in Chicago. Great. I start my journey home - because of the storm and associated road closings an 8-hour trip (with breaks) turns in to a 14 1/2 hour endurance session. I finally make it to the hotel at about 1 AM. The hotel comes recommended by my aunt and uncle. They usually have very good taste, but I'm pretty sure hookers have been killed here. Still, it's late and this place has a warm, comfy bed so I accept and crash.
The next day, Christmas Eve, I'm the second person to arrive at our church. My sister greets me with a hug, asks about my drive and then says Aunt Shady has changed the will. Really, on today of all days I have to deal with that? I move upstairs to see my Aunt and cousin walk in and there isn't word one on the will. I finally ask about it..."Oh, that's okay...you'll all be taken care of, it was just a normal thing they did at the Senior Center when I got the medical Power of Attorney." My aunt had also agreed to take my sister's share and get her a car since she has been transportation-less for about two years. The thing was (and still is) is that we're not talking a huge amount of money - $20,000 split four ways is nothing to be shady about...more on this later....
In any case, we put that aside for a bit and actually had a very nice funeral for Christmas Eve. We had the burial and then came back later in the day for the Christmas Eve service. When we got back to the home of some friends who were hosting my sister Aunt Shady proclaimed that my sister and I would only be getting $2,500 each (about half of what we would have gotten under the old will with me as executor) because her total share of $5,000 was too much for a college car.
I was torn - it was Christmas on the day of a funeral and while this needed to be taken care of I didn't want to deal with it. I told Aunt Shady I would be getting back to her tomorrow. Later that night at the hotel I struggled to find a way to really get her to see how she was acting. So, in grand Air Force tradition, I made a PowerPoint. I put the math on there, a timeline, and what she should have done. By the end of it (and a long discussion that consisted of me yelling at my 50 year old aunt for being irresponsible) she was convinced and restored my sister's share. As for me, I didn't really care and I still don't know what's happening. What I told Aunt Shady is that I don't really care what I get, just be honest and if you need the money I'll back off. What I don't want to have happen is that my Aunt screws me over for greed - an extra $5,000 for our entire relationship simply isn't worth it. So, we'll see what happens there.
Next was for the gifts and gift giving. This year I got towels (yep, towels), a snow globe, a quesadilla maker that was actually my birthday present from eight months ago that my aunt forgot to give to me, a book that I had already read (although the gift giver's heart was in totally the right place - it was a great book), and a $50 gift card. This kind of haul was actually good compared to previous years. I've officially entered the phase of my life where Christmas gifts will suck until I'm about 80.
I also got to hang out with friends from high school and go to the townie bar (it's a whole different dynamic seeing who comes back home, why, and how everyone socializes from a small town perspective). In any case - this t-shirt pretty much sums up the townie population of Glenwood, IA...
We also got my sister the aforementioned car - which then invalidated my reason for flying out of Chicago except to return the car.
The rest of the trip was spent in Cleveland reconnecting with the other part of my family - my half sister and my niece and nephew. I hadn't seen then in about seven years and it was phenomenal...just a really awesome time. With everything happening I don't think I could excuse myself for not making that happen so I did.
The only other wrinkle was this new girlfriend. She was very nice to start out with except when she snapped at me for making her dog hyper and aggressive by playing with her and I was hence banned from playing with the dog. It wasn't so much that I was banned or anything, but that she was kind of mean about it. Since then, however, she had been a total sweetheart so I thought everything was okay.
Another dynamic to this relationship was that she complained at the beginning that when she had dated military guys she felt forgotten when they had gone on TDY or leave since they never called. So I made an effort to call everyday or every other day. These weren't long conversations - 15 - 20 minutes mainly so I thought it wasn't a big deal.
However, she snapped at me again for taking up too much of her time by calling - her mother was over and this was the time for her, not for me. So, I didn't call for a couple of days after that (I did get her some flowers earlier and texted her back about that). When I got home, on New Years Eve, I texted her to see what our plans were - after all I had told her we would do something before we left and that I was coming back specifically on NYE to do something. She called me back to explain that we didn't have plans and the plans she made didn't involve me. So I went out with friends, had a great time, and when I got back The Librarian was on Match.com. I sent her a quick note that it was definitely over and have since moved on.
So let's recap...
1.) My grandma died
2.) My cab was late and traveling was an unnecessary nightmare
3.) My aunt tried to screw me and my sister out of my grandma's will
4.) I got towels for Christmas
5.) My then-girlfriend ditched me on NYE and signed up for Match.com
Well, here's hoping for a better 2009! It should start on a good note as I'm going back to Vegas for three weeks. Also, I going through a very rare phase where I'm single but multiple women overtly have made passes at me, or definitely like me, and work is going well. More on all of this later - when it finally settles down.
Until then - happy 2009!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
A warning - this post might come off as extremely depressing, but my Christmas wasn't actually that bad...it ebbed and flowed, but it just might come off that way.
That being said...even though I'm not a big fan of LOLCats or whatever they're called, the following picture adequately sums up my feelings about this latest holiday season...
It started just before I took leave - I got a call at work from the hospice folks taking care of my grandma. Before I go any further let me first say that my grandma is more like my mom than anyone else - my grandparents took both my sister and me in about 15 years ago and raised us from then on. So it was a different dynamic from the regular grandparent/grandkid relationship.
In any case I got this call that she had taken a turn for the worse with her cancer. That in itself wasn't a surprise - it was one of the main reasons I was coming home again - my grandma had been in hospice since July and I had seen her a couple of months ago, but not during Thanksgiving. I had a feeling that this would probably be her last Christmas. However, things were accelerating and I needed to get home sooner to see her...
Except that every flight before mine was scheduled was full...booked up with no possibility of even flying standby. So I had to sit there and wait until I finally got the call that my grandma had passed away two days before I was even able to leave to go home. The silver lining to all of this is that I would at least be able to go home for the funeral.
So, the plan was to fly into Chicago, get a car, drive to Cedar Falls, IA - where my sister goes to college - and drive to either Kearney, NE or Glenwood, IA for the funeral. Except that my sister, a day before I'm supposed to leave decides to go to Glenwood early...which totally negated my reason to go to Chicago. Except that I still needed to possibly get her back to Cedar Falls and I had another ticket flying out of Chicago so I still needed to fly into Chicago to not get blasted with a one-way rental car fee and the inevitable airline change fees.
I worked that all out and made plans to pack and go. The Librarian, my girlfriend at the time (oh yeah, we've already been through an entire relationship since I last posted...more on that later), kept me company so after I packed it was only two hours before my cab was supposed to arrive at 4:45 AM for a 7:30 AM flight. I decided to push it up and power through. After all, I had aircraft and layovers for naps and a night to sleep in Chicago.
4:45 came and went - I called and the cab service said they had no record of me calling, but they would send a cab shortly. 5:20 came and went. I called again and was told the cab was very close. 5:35 came and went - the cab was two minutes away - they had just talked to the driver. 5:45 came and went outside at -10 degrees and finally the cab showed up. When I asked what went wrong the cab driver said I should have allowed for more time...this was the beginning...
I make it to the airport an hour late and immediately get in the back of the line to check in (ironically the line was so long it extended back to my house...). When I get to the head of the line the computer breaks. I finally get in the back of the security line with a half hour before my flight leaves. I get to the head of the security line and am informed that I need to go through the "special security." Awesome...so I'm an Air Force officer getting patted down and my bags looked through as my flight is about to take off. So I do the whole "run through the airport thing" - after all I am trying to make a funeral - and make my flight.
The reason why I made my flight is because the plane has to sit on the tarmac for another hour. This normally would not be so bad except for the fact that I have the aisle seat in the very back row. Now, I won't get into the aisle vs. window debate here, but I will say that if you do get an aisle seat do not get it in the back row. The bathroom is right there so you are guaranteed to get your shoulder hit with a lot of ass as people go to do their business. Since we were sitting on the tarmac everyone had to pee so I got everyone's ass (so to speak). That wouldn't have even been so bad except for the fact that I was trying to sleep (because I had pushed it up and powered through) and the guy in the middle seat had a 17" Macbook with a most unusual, elbows out way of typing. Luckily there was only 5 1/2 hours of this total before we made it to Seattle.
Seattle, by the way, was like Calcutta. Humans everywhere...sprawled out, feral, and quick to violence since they had been stuck in an airport for a day or two. I make it to the S Concourse for lunch and my flight and find two restaurants that look like bread lines from early 1990s Russia. After my lunch I head to my gate - since I switched airlines I needed a new boarding pass. Despite my troubles I got in the back of the line to allow all the standby passengers stuck in Seattle to go ahead of me since I only needed that boarding pass. I get up to the front of the line and am promptly told to get on another flight with a different (longer) line and there was nothing else that could be done for me. I quickly explained that I only needed a boarding pass for this flight that was one of the few still "on time" in Seattle. She told me to get in the other line as she needed to take care of some other business. I said I would wait. She eyed me coldly, "I'll be awhile - are you sure you want to wait here or just get in the other line?" It was a challenge. I accepted, "I'll be here when you get back."
So, I waited. Other standby passengers, seeing me alone at a counter, thought that someone would be coming back for me and saw the opportunity to find a shorter line. So a line started forming behind me. Finally, after about a half hour, two agents came back and ignored me (which was quite difficult since I was across the counter) for about five minutes. They finally acknowledged me and I explained I needed a boarding pass. They told me to get in the other line for the other flight. At this point I got fed up and asked why I needed to get on another flight while this one was still on-time. The agents had a "hunch" that this one would be canceled as some more weather was coming in. I asked if they could print me out a boarding pass so I could avoid the other line - that was the acceptable compromise - I would get on the other flight if I didn't have to stand in another damn line.
Victorious, I sped to the other gate since this new flight left a bit earlier. Again, the effort was in vain since this new flight just got newly delayed. I looked over at my other gate...still on-time. Finally we board only to wait on the tarmac for two hours. I was able to see my other flight through the window leave the gate and take off for Minneapolis.
I arrived in Minneapolis very late for the next flight - it was at Gate C-7. Oh man, oh man where's Gate C-7...oh, wait...it's right over there and they're at the final boarding call. Luckily I made the flight, got into Chicago, and even got my luggage. I went outside to catch the bus for the rental area and just saw the Avis bus leave. I called and was told the buses came around every five minutes. 20 minutes later the Avis bus comes around.
I finally get my car and go to spot G-09 to fetch it, drive to a hotel, and get some sleep. Except there is no spot G-09. The G row goes from G-17 to G-35. I go inside to explain that simple fact to the person that works there. After being convinced that there is no spot G-09 we scour the parking lot looking for my car. It's not to be found so I get another car and finally go on my way.
The next morning I wake up to a blizzard in Chicago. Great. I start my journey home - because of the storm and associated road closings an 8-hour trip (with breaks) turns in to a 14 1/2 hour endurance session. I finally make it to the hotel at about 1 AM. The hotel comes recommended by my aunt and uncle. They usually have very good taste, but I'm pretty sure hookers have been killed here. Still, it's late and this place has a warm, comfy bed so I accept and crash.
The next day, Christmas Eve, I'm the second person to arrive at our church. My sister greets me with a hug, asks about my drive and then says Aunt Shady has changed the will. Really, on today of all days I have to deal with that? I move upstairs to see my Aunt and cousin walk in and there isn't word one on the will. I finally ask about it..."Oh, that's okay...you'll all be taken care of, it was just a normal thing they did at the Senior Center when I got the medical Power of Attorney." My aunt had also agreed to take my sister's share and get her a car since she has been transportation-less for about two years. The thing was (and still is) is that we're not talking a huge amount of money - $20,000 split four ways is nothing to be shady about...more on this later....
In any case, we put that aside for a bit and actually had a very nice funeral for Christmas Eve. We had the burial and then came back later in the day for the Christmas Eve service. When we got back to the home of some friends who were hosting my sister Aunt Shady proclaimed that my sister and I would only be getting $2,500 each (about half of what we would have gotten under the old will with me as executor) because her total share of $5,000 was too much for a college car.
I was torn - it was Christmas on the day of a funeral and while this needed to be taken care of I didn't want to deal with it. I told Aunt Shady I would be getting back to her tomorrow. Later that night at the hotel I struggled to find a way to really get her to see how she was acting. So, in grand Air Force tradition, I made a PowerPoint. I put the math on there, a timeline, and what she should have done. By the end of it (and a long discussion that consisted of me yelling at my 50 year old aunt for being irresponsible) she was convinced and restored my sister's share. As for me, I didn't really care and I still don't know what's happening. What I told Aunt Shady is that I don't really care what I get, just be honest and if you need the money I'll back off. What I don't want to have happen is that my Aunt screws me over for greed - an extra $5,000 for our entire relationship simply isn't worth it. So, we'll see what happens there.
Next was for the gifts and gift giving. This year I got towels (yep, towels), a snow globe, a quesadilla maker that was actually my birthday present from eight months ago that my aunt forgot to give to me, a book that I had already read (although the gift giver's heart was in totally the right place - it was a great book), and a $50 gift card. This kind of haul was actually good compared to previous years. I've officially entered the phase of my life where Christmas gifts will suck until I'm about 80.
I also got to hang out with friends from high school and go to the townie bar (it's a whole different dynamic seeing who comes back home, why, and how everyone socializes from a small town perspective). In any case - this t-shirt pretty much sums up the townie population of Glenwood, IA...
We also got my sister the aforementioned car - which then invalidated my reason for flying out of Chicago except to return the car.
The rest of the trip was spent in Cleveland reconnecting with the other part of my family - my half sister and my niece and nephew. I hadn't seen then in about seven years and it was phenomenal...just a really awesome time. With everything happening I don't think I could excuse myself for not making that happen so I did.
The only other wrinkle was this new girlfriend. She was very nice to start out with except when she snapped at me for making her dog hyper and aggressive by playing with her and I was hence banned from playing with the dog. It wasn't so much that I was banned or anything, but that she was kind of mean about it. Since then, however, she had been a total sweetheart so I thought everything was okay.
Another dynamic to this relationship was that she complained at the beginning that when she had dated military guys she felt forgotten when they had gone on TDY or leave since they never called. So I made an effort to call everyday or every other day. These weren't long conversations - 15 - 20 minutes mainly so I thought it wasn't a big deal.
However, she snapped at me again for taking up too much of her time by calling - her mother was over and this was the time for her, not for me. So, I didn't call for a couple of days after that (I did get her some flowers earlier and texted her back about that). When I got home, on New Years Eve, I texted her to see what our plans were - after all I had told her we would do something before we left and that I was coming back specifically on NYE to do something. She called me back to explain that we didn't have plans and the plans she made didn't involve me. So I went out with friends, had a great time, and when I got back The Librarian was on Match.com. I sent her a quick note that it was definitely over and have since moved on.
So let's recap...
1.) My grandma died
2.) My cab was late and traveling was an unnecessary nightmare
3.) My aunt tried to screw me and my sister out of my grandma's will
4.) I got towels for Christmas
5.) My then-girlfriend ditched me on NYE and signed up for Match.com
Well, here's hoping for a better 2009! It should start on a good note as I'm going back to Vegas for three weeks. Also, I going through a very rare phase where I'm single but multiple women overtly have made passes at me, or definitely like me, and work is going well. More on all of this later - when it finally settles down.
Until then - happy 2009!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
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