AirForceKush: January 2008 Archives
My good friend Digital left a comment on my last entry about looking vs. noticing and I couldn't agree more - it's all about having a good time and letting the chips fall where they may - only chumps go looking...I'll leave it at that...
Before getting back to blogging about the women in Anchorage (I have at least one good story left in me) I think I'll blog about a future adventure...you see, as the title says, the fix is in. I've never really been "fixed up" before, but this blog, and my incessant storytelling before this started inspired some Canadian friends of mine to 'hook me up.'
The backstory to this is that my immediate, Canadian supervisor was the perpetual bachelor before he got married very recently. Because of his reputation they attempted to get this girl (no nickname yet) to meet him and while he was very impressed, he was also engaged at the time. He also knew that I was eligible and having trouble (this is shortly after Wasilla Susie) and inquired about this girl for me, but without my knowledge, to his Canadian friend who works with this girl. He then told me the story and was very excited for me to meet her - he is pretty convinced that this will end up being his own e-Harmony story. Evidently she'd had problems finding a nice guy and was taking some crap for it - despite the fact that she was "totally awesome." So I met the Canadian friend of my Canadian supervisor who both agreed that I would be a suitable date for this girl. I merely wanted to have a no-pressure lunch with her, but after a further Canadian lunch (also named for the duration of the lunch - I didn't get a lot of work done that day, but that was okay - I'm being too productive lately anyway) the Canadian friend (not the supervisor - I hope we're all keeping up here) told this girl what was up and that he had a good date for her. She was not turned off and after some scheduling problems we'll probably be having lunch on Tuesday.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about this - there are a few pros and cons going through my head right now...first for the cons...
1.) This reeks of desperation. I can't help but think that my friends feel that I am so inept at the game of dating that i need help. I feel like the dunce in class that's in danger of being held back because of incompetence so he gets a tutor. I temper this thought with the fact that I haven't really had a problem dating or finding women to meet and the problem has rarely been with me (even though I have made a few mistakes). I also temper this with the thought that the word is that she also is very dateable/non-crazy/pretty, but has also had trouble finding nice/normal people.
2.) My cover is completely blown. This started out as a no pressure thing, but then one of the Canadians told this girl what this was all about (in this case fixing her up since she has also been looking) and the no-pressure lunch that might have lead to me getting a phone number has turned into a semi-chaperoned blind date. Luckily she is still keen on meeting me even knowing what the purpose of this lunch was - to fix us both up. To me this just adds pressure to the situation - if we don't hit it off will our respective Canadians be upset? Or worse, will we not hit it off, but feel obligated to go out for awhile anyway because we've both been talked up so much? In any case, we've now been robbed of a more organic experience that would allow us both an option to take things a bit slower (if needed) or allowed one of us to "lemon-law" the other without any judgmental feelings being known.
And as for the pros...
1.) My friends know me pretty well - and an outside perspective is probably good. There's a tendency for people, even me, to go after what we think we might want rather than what we actually need. By having an outsider that knows me evaluate the situation (and not some personality-test questions) and find someone I think I actually have a pretty good chance of meeting a quality person in this situation. It also helps that both Canadians know both of us so it's not just one person validating this romantic hypothesis, but there's two, they're Canadians (did I mention that - Canadians might just end up being a random post of mine), and they can check one another.
2.) Evidently I'm meeting an attractive, nice, intelligent woman that's also interested in me - at least she's interested in meeting a nice, attractive, intelligence man and she thinks I might fit the bill. Add to this that it seems like we're both interested in settling a bit (nothing crazy, dating then a possible relationship, then who knows?).
At the end of the day I'm pretty hopeful, but wary about this whole "fixing up" thing. If if works out I'll never be a naysayer again about fixing up people and I suppose it has a good of a chance than any other option I've tried since I've been here.
As always I'll let you know how it goes, but until then here's to some of my favorite Canadians - The Shat (William Shatner - or Captain Kirk), Mike Myers ("HEAD, MOVE, NOW," bonus points if you can tell me what movie that came from), and Ryan "Van Wilder" Reynolds.
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
Before getting back to blogging about the women in Anchorage (I have at least one good story left in me) I think I'll blog about a future adventure...you see, as the title says, the fix is in. I've never really been "fixed up" before, but this blog, and my incessant storytelling before this started inspired some Canadian friends of mine to 'hook me up.'
The backstory to this is that my immediate, Canadian supervisor was the perpetual bachelor before he got married very recently. Because of his reputation they attempted to get this girl (no nickname yet) to meet him and while he was very impressed, he was also engaged at the time. He also knew that I was eligible and having trouble (this is shortly after Wasilla Susie) and inquired about this girl for me, but without my knowledge, to his Canadian friend who works with this girl. He then told me the story and was very excited for me to meet her - he is pretty convinced that this will end up being his own e-Harmony story. Evidently she'd had problems finding a nice guy and was taking some crap for it - despite the fact that she was "totally awesome." So I met the Canadian friend of my Canadian supervisor who both agreed that I would be a suitable date for this girl. I merely wanted to have a no-pressure lunch with her, but after a further Canadian lunch (also named for the duration of the lunch - I didn't get a lot of work done that day, but that was okay - I'm being too productive lately anyway) the Canadian friend (not the supervisor - I hope we're all keeping up here) told this girl what was up and that he had a good date for her. She was not turned off and after some scheduling problems we'll probably be having lunch on Tuesday.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about this - there are a few pros and cons going through my head right now...first for the cons...
1.) This reeks of desperation. I can't help but think that my friends feel that I am so inept at the game of dating that i need help. I feel like the dunce in class that's in danger of being held back because of incompetence so he gets a tutor. I temper this thought with the fact that I haven't really had a problem dating or finding women to meet and the problem has rarely been with me (even though I have made a few mistakes). I also temper this with the thought that the word is that she also is very dateable/non-crazy/pretty, but has also had trouble finding nice/normal people.
2.) My cover is completely blown. This started out as a no pressure thing, but then one of the Canadians told this girl what this was all about (in this case fixing her up since she has also been looking) and the no-pressure lunch that might have lead to me getting a phone number has turned into a semi-chaperoned blind date. Luckily she is still keen on meeting me even knowing what the purpose of this lunch was - to fix us both up. To me this just adds pressure to the situation - if we don't hit it off will our respective Canadians be upset? Or worse, will we not hit it off, but feel obligated to go out for awhile anyway because we've both been talked up so much? In any case, we've now been robbed of a more organic experience that would allow us both an option to take things a bit slower (if needed) or allowed one of us to "lemon-law" the other without any judgmental feelings being known.
And as for the pros...
1.) My friends know me pretty well - and an outside perspective is probably good. There's a tendency for people, even me, to go after what we think we might want rather than what we actually need. By having an outsider that knows me evaluate the situation (and not some personality-test questions) and find someone I think I actually have a pretty good chance of meeting a quality person in this situation. It also helps that both Canadians know both of us so it's not just one person validating this romantic hypothesis, but there's two, they're Canadians (did I mention that - Canadians might just end up being a random post of mine), and they can check one another.
2.) Evidently I'm meeting an attractive, nice, intelligent woman that's also interested in me - at least she's interested in meeting a nice, attractive, intelligence man and she thinks I might fit the bill. Add to this that it seems like we're both interested in settling a bit (nothing crazy, dating then a possible relationship, then who knows?).
At the end of the day I'm pretty hopeful, but wary about this whole "fixing up" thing. If if works out I'll never be a naysayer again about fixing up people and I suppose it has a good of a chance than any other option I've tried since I've been here.
As always I'll let you know how it goes, but until then here's to some of my favorite Canadians - The Shat (William Shatner - or Captain Kirk), Mike Myers ("HEAD, MOVE, NOW," bonus points if you can tell me what movie that came from), and Ryan "Van Wilder" Reynolds.
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
It has occurred to me that I've stated in several posts that "the bar scene" is not the place to meet women and I've never really fully flushed that thought out. So, while I love to go out on the weekends to imbibe a bit, sing some karaoke, dance, or just hang out - the bars to find that special someone is a place full of negatives for me. It's not that I'm not having a good time or I'm not interested, but I just can't seem to pull the trigger at bars when it comes to women - even very attractive ones. For example, the other night at Koots (my second time there - a review is forthcoming) I was having fun with friends and two women (yes, attractive women) sidled up closer and closer to our group as we danced - I was encouraged (actually, almost pushed) into dancing with them, but I just wasn't interested into turning my fun time with friends into a big effort to impress a woman. I'm not saying I haven't pulled some phone numbers from bars or even met some women I've dated at bars, but this has never been the goal for going out for me, meeting women while out has always been a happy surprise. Here are some reasons why...
First, and foremost, the concept of "Beer Goggles." For those that don't know beer goggles is the effect that alcoholic beverages have on your concept of the beauty level of the opposite sex. As you drink and drink...and, well...drink - members of the opposite sex seem to get more attractive - the effect seems to vary from person to person, but I know that my temptation level definitely goes up as the attractiveness level goes down and the blood alcohol level goes up. Let's just say there's less of a legal limit that you should keep in mind and more of a weight limit ;)
The following pictures may help to illustrate my point...
So, you're at the bar and you don't really know what you're looking at, but you decide that you want it - hopefully for the longer term, but bars seem to appeal to baser instincts (I won't lie - me included). This brings me to the second reason why bars aren't the best place for singles...
The Group Dynamic - you've probably heard this by several different names - The Wingman, The Mother Hen, The Team Cockblock, etc, etc...
First, for the wingman. Generally this refers to a friend (a good friend depending the the grenade they'll have to jump on), who will engage the friend or friends of the male or female of your choice while you are free to work any magic you can on the object of your affection. In most normal situations, a park, the supermarket, church, work, even parties, or other places you might meet the opposite sex there is no need for a wingman - it's just two people having a conversation and one eventually asking for a phone number or to meet later socially. No, a wingman is needed because of the environment you're in - a bar. The inherent dangers of a bar - predatory people (in my experience not just the guys), belligerently drunk people, crazy people, creepy people, roofies, etc, etc require you not only to have someone watch your back, but also to validate you (as in, well, at least one person likes him or her in this world so at the very least they're not the worst case scenario).
The group name for this is The Mother Hen - generally the person who will encourage the group to stay together at the end of the night or give you a quick gut-check before you make the decision to get in the cab with a stranger. Generally this person will also be the DD.
The Team Cockblock is the predatory version of this group dynamic - we all know what a cockblock is, but when a wingman is used not to help you make new friends or find that special someone, but to stop others from doing so - that's a Team Cockblock.
The bottom line is that I'm all for both having friends and being safe when out on the town, but the bar scene makes this safety net necessary.
The next reason has been hinted at, but the bar scene can be full of predatory people. Now, I will say that even in Anchorage 95% of the people in any given place (well, I guess 75% at a place like Koots) are just looking at having a good time and possibly meeting a special someone - they aren't going to push it to that next and dangerous level of intentionally using alcohol or drugs to get someone in a position to go home with them, but there are those few people out there. This behavior isn't limited to men. There was a girl on the periphery of a group I hung out with in college that would always offer to drive certain men she liked home where almost invariably they would make bad decisions at the end of the night.
Lastly, even if the people aren't predatory they do seem to be a product of their environment - as that environment changes you see different aspects of a person highlighted. At a bar people will tend to be wilder, crazier, and less inhibited. Invariably the most "successful" people I see in bars are not the people that dance on tables and puking in the bathroom, but the people who have a good time, but tempers love of a good time by not letting it get out of hand.
The bottom line is that, for singles, bars are fraught with challenges to finding the right person to have a successful relationship with. A simple analogy might help - if a dating is like riding a bike, a bar is like a minefield. Minefields might be good for some things, but not ideally suited to dating. Bars are great for me to have fun with friends, but at the end of the day they're just not ideally suited to me to meet nice women or men. To put it simply, what kind of story do you want to tell your kids - "Mommy was very special, very drunk, and had massive beer goggles," or would you rather have a special, or at least normal story to tell? (I do realize this completely leaves out the kind of crazy stories you might want to tell your friends, for example, "dude, she was double jointed," but I like to think I'm at the point where I should, and am, looking for more.
But, at the end of the day, this is just my experience - what say you? Have you met someone great in a bar and how did you do it (in other words, filter out the quality from the rubbish) - have you met some crazos?
In any case, here's to the bars - they may not provide love, but they do provide endless hours of entertainment and people-watching :)
Until next time - you can find me at Koots...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
First, and foremost, the concept of "Beer Goggles." For those that don't know beer goggles is the effect that alcoholic beverages have on your concept of the beauty level of the opposite sex. As you drink and drink...and, well...drink - members of the opposite sex seem to get more attractive - the effect seems to vary from person to person, but I know that my temptation level definitely goes up as the attractiveness level goes down and the blood alcohol level goes up. Let's just say there's less of a legal limit that you should keep in mind and more of a weight limit ;)
The following pictures may help to illustrate my point...
So, you're at the bar and you don't really know what you're looking at, but you decide that you want it - hopefully for the longer term, but bars seem to appeal to baser instincts (I won't lie - me included). This brings me to the second reason why bars aren't the best place for singles...
The Group Dynamic - you've probably heard this by several different names - The Wingman, The Mother Hen, The Team Cockblock, etc, etc...
First, for the wingman. Generally this refers to a friend (a good friend depending the the grenade they'll have to jump on), who will engage the friend or friends of the male or female of your choice while you are free to work any magic you can on the object of your affection. In most normal situations, a park, the supermarket, church, work, even parties, or other places you might meet the opposite sex there is no need for a wingman - it's just two people having a conversation and one eventually asking for a phone number or to meet later socially. No, a wingman is needed because of the environment you're in - a bar. The inherent dangers of a bar - predatory people (in my experience not just the guys), belligerently drunk people, crazy people, creepy people, roofies, etc, etc require you not only to have someone watch your back, but also to validate you (as in, well, at least one person likes him or her in this world so at the very least they're not the worst case scenario).
The group name for this is The Mother Hen - generally the person who will encourage the group to stay together at the end of the night or give you a quick gut-check before you make the decision to get in the cab with a stranger. Generally this person will also be the DD.
The Team Cockblock is the predatory version of this group dynamic - we all know what a cockblock is, but when a wingman is used not to help you make new friends or find that special someone, but to stop others from doing so - that's a Team Cockblock.
The bottom line is that I'm all for both having friends and being safe when out on the town, but the bar scene makes this safety net necessary.
The next reason has been hinted at, but the bar scene can be full of predatory people. Now, I will say that even in Anchorage 95% of the people in any given place (well, I guess 75% at a place like Koots) are just looking at having a good time and possibly meeting a special someone - they aren't going to push it to that next and dangerous level of intentionally using alcohol or drugs to get someone in a position to go home with them, but there are those few people out there. This behavior isn't limited to men. There was a girl on the periphery of a group I hung out with in college that would always offer to drive certain men she liked home where almost invariably they would make bad decisions at the end of the night.
Lastly, even if the people aren't predatory they do seem to be a product of their environment - as that environment changes you see different aspects of a person highlighted. At a bar people will tend to be wilder, crazier, and less inhibited. Invariably the most "successful" people I see in bars are not the people that dance on tables and puking in the bathroom, but the people who have a good time, but tempers love of a good time by not letting it get out of hand.
The bottom line is that, for singles, bars are fraught with challenges to finding the right person to have a successful relationship with. A simple analogy might help - if a dating is like riding a bike, a bar is like a minefield. Minefields might be good for some things, but not ideally suited to dating. Bars are great for me to have fun with friends, but at the end of the day they're just not ideally suited to me to meet nice women or men. To put it simply, what kind of story do you want to tell your kids - "Mommy was very special, very drunk, and had massive beer goggles," or would you rather have a special, or at least normal story to tell? (I do realize this completely leaves out the kind of crazy stories you might want to tell your friends, for example, "dude, she was double jointed," but I like to think I'm at the point where I should, and am, looking for more.
But, at the end of the day, this is just my experience - what say you? Have you met someone great in a bar and how did you do it (in other words, filter out the quality from the rubbish) - have you met some crazos?
In any case, here's to the bars - they may not provide love, but they do provide endless hours of entertainment and people-watching :)
Until next time - you can find me at Koots...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
Well, it's been a couple of days since I posted about The Queen and your messages of support did indeed help me get through the post-traumatic stress I had reliving that all over again...
That being said I thought I would switch subjects and get to posting about online dating. If you google online dating you'll find I'm not the first to write about this subject and I probably won't be the last, but I thought I would give a little perspective to my experience, not just in Anchorage, with online dating.
I've found online dating almost to be like a Seinfeld episode - by that I mean there are all sorts of little quirks and rules in this world that people that aren't online probably may not really know about, but end up being kind of funny.
The first of these get right down to the very first thing people notice on your profile (because we can all be a little shallow sometimes) - your picture. Usually people are fairly accurate with their pictures - I mean, we all like to put our best foot forward so people tend to put their more flattering pictures up, but most of the time I can actually ID someone I've made a date with online and I'm not...disappointed. Despite all of that, however, do keep in mind there is room for standard variations in both what your pictures make you look like and what people perceive you looking like and it all depends on a variety of factors. For instance, I've been described as the following four things by friends and enemies alike:
Yep, some people think I kind of look like Matt Damon, other people say I look like a monkey, some say Ron Perlman, and yet others think I kind of look like a penguin (in both a good and a bad way).
Now, with that being said there was at least one time where there was blatant "false advertising" on one of my adventures in online dating.
To caveat this I just want to say that I'm really not that picky when it comes to women (my roommate can attest to that) and how they look. There has to be chemistry of course and I would say I've dated girls of all shapes, looks, and, ahem, sizes. Some of the best women I know will never be found on the cover of Maxim, but look great and are just great people in general. Besides, I would much rather date them than some size zero bar woman with no personality. So really the message is just to put yourself out there as you are and have fun, putting false pictures of yourself (for example, you've gained/lost 200 pounds, lost an eye, or shaved your head) will just show that you're dishonest and insecure to whoever you're trying to date.
To put it bluntly there's a difference between this:
and this...
Or, for that matter this...
and this...
(As a sidebar, my roommate is disagreeing with my choice for George Clooney as my example of an attractive guy - as he says, "You have no taste in men...")
So, once you get past the ever important picture (which, talking to some women I know that are online daters is sometimes the only thing that some men and some women look at) some people might actually read your profile and make their dating choice based on what you write about yourself and maybe even how you write it.
Here are some things I look out for when reading profiles (not necessarily in priority order)...
1.) Grammar - I know, it's kind of anal, but I would like to have my date have the requisite intelligence to form a coherent sentence correctly. I'm not going to judge anyone on the incorrect use of an adverb or anything, but just take some time and do at least one proofreading of the stuff you're putting out there.
For example, this...
"Hi, I'm ___________ and I'm just looking for a nice guy. I'm really tired of the bar scene here in Anchorage and all the losers that try and hit on me downtown. At the end of the day I want a nice, stable man who knows how to take care of a woman and shares some of my interests - hiking, dogs, reading, biking, cooking, and dancing."
is better than this...
"Waasup! I'm _____________ and you know, I just bee chillin on here trying to find me a GOOD MAN! All deez lil bitches up here dont now hows to take care of a REAL WOMAN like I. So, if ur hot, not a loser, adn wanna have some FUN hit me up and well see if I like you to."
2.) Outlook and statements on their profile - as you can probably gather I've been scarred and I'm scared by the women of Anchorage. Despite all of that I still have a sunny outlook when it comes to dating - I'm still confident that I might find a special someone in this town and while I might go into my dates a bit more wary - I'm still open to letting myself fall in with another person. Not everyone shares this sunny outlook, however. Also, there are differences in what people are looking for - some are just dipping their toe in the pool of online dating, and some are taking the high dive into the deep end. And I'm a believer that you can gauge a lot of things by just reading someone's statement and really analyzing it. For example, if a person says they're an introvert just looking for a nice person and all their pictures are of them doing body shots, dancing on bars, and other crazy stuff they may not be telling you the truth.
3.) Activity Level - many sites allow you to see if someone has been active in the last day, 3 days, week, month, etc. Combined with some other observations derived from a person's profile there's a chance you can tell their interest level in you, other people, and other things.
There are a whole host of other things you might be able to gather from specific websites based on options they offer and questions they ask, but picture, grammar, statements on the profile, and activity level can tell you a lot of things about a person.
Once you get past the profiles you might start talking with someone (or they start talking with you if you share my policy of not putting yourself too far out there online). E-mailing back and forth I would say is the equivalent of talking on the phone with someone after you get their phone number, but before you go on a date. It may or may not work out depending on what they say and how they act on the phone, but it can be fun to explore what a new person has to offer. Because of the way online dating works many people are tempted to dive in right away and ask for a date or a phone number just based on the profile - but I always like to e-mail back and forth a few times before diving in and going on a date.
Finally you may go on a date with that special someone and this is where you really start finding out if the object of your online affection is legit or not. The example I always like to use actually didn't happen in Alaska, but rather in Texas. I had met a women online and we were having a good time dating when she invited me over to her house for some good grilling and a movie. She also introduced me to her son, her son that wasn't mentioned on her profile or previous dates. I don't have anything against single mothers and I wouldn't rule out dating a single mom depending on the woman and the situation, but the total surprise - trap if you will - of the situation definitely was a turn-off. You might find out that the person you wanted to possibly start something special with really wanted more of a meaningful one night relationship.
Here are some websites I'm familiar with myself or through friends.
1.) e-Harmony - if you're looking for something more serious and right away I would go here. I'm not sure if the "29 Dimensions" thing works or not, but that's the expectation of many of the people on this site. Not that it exactly reeks of desperation, but you might find some people that are very ready to get married on this site. However, I do like the guided communication process and the way the questions are asked on e-Harmony. You really do get to know people a bit better before even getting to the point to where you e-mail openly with one another.
2.) Match - Match for me was a meat-market pure and simple. There was at least three times when I thought I was going to meet someone "special" on Match that ended up only being very physical relationships without much depth.
3.) Lavalife - I'm not on there, but I had a friend that was and I checked it out for this blog posting - it's probably the most flexible dating site out there with three sites in one - one for dating, one for relationships, and one for "intimate encounters." The only problem is that there are very few Alaskans on lavalife and my friend tells me there are a ton of fake profiles on the site - these fake people will send you form e-mails directing you to a quasi-porn site asking for your credit-card number.
4.) Yahoo Personals - I don't have a lot of experience with Yahoo Personals, but there seems to be lots of people on there and some pretty good options.
In any case online dating can be a very positive experience and a way to help people out that want to date, but have trouble meeting people in more traditional arenas. Just do your homework, be careful, be honest, and have fun!
Until next time here's to Al Gore - inventor of the internet and online dating!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
PS - My roommate just jokingly put in a request based on his quote in this piece that I have no taste in men - so, to clear any confusion, my roommate is the most heterosexual person I know - he likes the ladies...a lot...and he has great taste in men, but not in that way...ok, end of story!
That being said I thought I would switch subjects and get to posting about online dating. If you google online dating you'll find I'm not the first to write about this subject and I probably won't be the last, but I thought I would give a little perspective to my experience, not just in Anchorage, with online dating.
I've found online dating almost to be like a Seinfeld episode - by that I mean there are all sorts of little quirks and rules in this world that people that aren't online probably may not really know about, but end up being kind of funny.
The first of these get right down to the very first thing people notice on your profile (because we can all be a little shallow sometimes) - your picture. Usually people are fairly accurate with their pictures - I mean, we all like to put our best foot forward so people tend to put their more flattering pictures up, but most of the time I can actually ID someone I've made a date with online and I'm not...disappointed. Despite all of that, however, do keep in mind there is room for standard variations in both what your pictures make you look like and what people perceive you looking like and it all depends on a variety of factors. For instance, I've been described as the following four things by friends and enemies alike:
Yep, some people think I kind of look like Matt Damon, other people say I look like a monkey, some say Ron Perlman, and yet others think I kind of look like a penguin (in both a good and a bad way).
Now, with that being said there was at least one time where there was blatant "false advertising" on one of my adventures in online dating.
To caveat this I just want to say that I'm really not that picky when it comes to women (my roommate can attest to that) and how they look. There has to be chemistry of course and I would say I've dated girls of all shapes, looks, and, ahem, sizes. Some of the best women I know will never be found on the cover of Maxim, but look great and are just great people in general. Besides, I would much rather date them than some size zero bar woman with no personality. So really the message is just to put yourself out there as you are and have fun, putting false pictures of yourself (for example, you've gained/lost 200 pounds, lost an eye, or shaved your head) will just show that you're dishonest and insecure to whoever you're trying to date.
To put it bluntly there's a difference between this:
and this...
Or, for that matter this...
and this...
(As a sidebar, my roommate is disagreeing with my choice for George Clooney as my example of an attractive guy - as he says, "You have no taste in men...")
So, once you get past the ever important picture (which, talking to some women I know that are online daters is sometimes the only thing that some men and some women look at) some people might actually read your profile and make their dating choice based on what you write about yourself and maybe even how you write it.
Here are some things I look out for when reading profiles (not necessarily in priority order)...
1.) Grammar - I know, it's kind of anal, but I would like to have my date have the requisite intelligence to form a coherent sentence correctly. I'm not going to judge anyone on the incorrect use of an adverb or anything, but just take some time and do at least one proofreading of the stuff you're putting out there.
For example, this...
"Hi, I'm ___________ and I'm just looking for a nice guy. I'm really tired of the bar scene here in Anchorage and all the losers that try and hit on me downtown. At the end of the day I want a nice, stable man who knows how to take care of a woman and shares some of my interests - hiking, dogs, reading, biking, cooking, and dancing."
is better than this...
"Waasup! I'm _____________ and you know, I just bee chillin on here trying to find me a GOOD MAN! All deez lil bitches up here dont now hows to take care of a REAL WOMAN like I. So, if ur hot, not a loser, adn wanna have some FUN hit me up and well see if I like you to."
2.) Outlook and statements on their profile - as you can probably gather I've been scarred and I'm scared by the women of Anchorage. Despite all of that I still have a sunny outlook when it comes to dating - I'm still confident that I might find a special someone in this town and while I might go into my dates a bit more wary - I'm still open to letting myself fall in with another person. Not everyone shares this sunny outlook, however. Also, there are differences in what people are looking for - some are just dipping their toe in the pool of online dating, and some are taking the high dive into the deep end. And I'm a believer that you can gauge a lot of things by just reading someone's statement and really analyzing it. For example, if a person says they're an introvert just looking for a nice person and all their pictures are of them doing body shots, dancing on bars, and other crazy stuff they may not be telling you the truth.
3.) Activity Level - many sites allow you to see if someone has been active in the last day, 3 days, week, month, etc. Combined with some other observations derived from a person's profile there's a chance you can tell their interest level in you, other people, and other things.
There are a whole host of other things you might be able to gather from specific websites based on options they offer and questions they ask, but picture, grammar, statements on the profile, and activity level can tell you a lot of things about a person.
Once you get past the profiles you might start talking with someone (or they start talking with you if you share my policy of not putting yourself too far out there online). E-mailing back and forth I would say is the equivalent of talking on the phone with someone after you get their phone number, but before you go on a date. It may or may not work out depending on what they say and how they act on the phone, but it can be fun to explore what a new person has to offer. Because of the way online dating works many people are tempted to dive in right away and ask for a date or a phone number just based on the profile - but I always like to e-mail back and forth a few times before diving in and going on a date.
Finally you may go on a date with that special someone and this is where you really start finding out if the object of your online affection is legit or not. The example I always like to use actually didn't happen in Alaska, but rather in Texas. I had met a women online and we were having a good time dating when she invited me over to her house for some good grilling and a movie. She also introduced me to her son, her son that wasn't mentioned on her profile or previous dates. I don't have anything against single mothers and I wouldn't rule out dating a single mom depending on the woman and the situation, but the total surprise - trap if you will - of the situation definitely was a turn-off. You might find out that the person you wanted to possibly start something special with really wanted more of a meaningful one night relationship.
Here are some websites I'm familiar with myself or through friends.
1.) e-Harmony - if you're looking for something more serious and right away I would go here. I'm not sure if the "29 Dimensions" thing works or not, but that's the expectation of many of the people on this site. Not that it exactly reeks of desperation, but you might find some people that are very ready to get married on this site. However, I do like the guided communication process and the way the questions are asked on e-Harmony. You really do get to know people a bit better before even getting to the point to where you e-mail openly with one another.
2.) Match - Match for me was a meat-market pure and simple. There was at least three times when I thought I was going to meet someone "special" on Match that ended up only being very physical relationships without much depth.
3.) Lavalife - I'm not on there, but I had a friend that was and I checked it out for this blog posting - it's probably the most flexible dating site out there with three sites in one - one for dating, one for relationships, and one for "intimate encounters." The only problem is that there are very few Alaskans on lavalife and my friend tells me there are a ton of fake profiles on the site - these fake people will send you form e-mails directing you to a quasi-porn site asking for your credit-card number.
4.) Yahoo Personals - I don't have a lot of experience with Yahoo Personals, but there seems to be lots of people on there and some pretty good options.
In any case online dating can be a very positive experience and a way to help people out that want to date, but have trouble meeting people in more traditional arenas. Just do your homework, be careful, be honest, and have fun!
Until next time here's to Al Gore - inventor of the internet and online dating!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
PS - My roommate just jokingly put in a request based on his quote in this piece that I have no taste in men - so, to clear any confusion, my roommate is the most heterosexual person I know - he likes the ladies...a lot...and he has great taste in men, but not in that way...ok, end of story!
Ah, so, where was I...oh yeah! I was extremely unhappy with The Queen, there's some sort of online stalker - Shredder - getting me in all sorts of trouble - and I've not exactly been an angel in this experience (karma's a bitch!).
Recap over...
One night this all came to a head with The Queen. About four of the previously mentioned arguments (along with a few I didn't mention) came into play and I was DD'ing while she had carte blanche to drink as much as she wanted - and she did. Furthermore, the roommate and I decided that we would want to have our first "Koots" experience. So, to sum up we have an unhappy Arctic Fox, a drunk, upset, belligerent Queen, and a happy, but drunk roommate trying to keep the peace - and we're all going to Koots!
So, a few storm offs (and many times I failed to follow the storm offs), a few tense conversations, and a whole hell of a lot of nervous smiles from my roommate later it's 2:30 in the AM, The Queen won't let me drive her home (I'm the only sober one), and I make the decision to get the "f" out. I say, "okay," see her get into a cab and begin the drive home. Then comes the texts - I didn't realize I still had her keys, but I did now. However, The Queen is still drunk I think she went back to Koots while everybody was emptying out. So we go back to Koots and finally realize The Queen is back at her place - about 3:30 AM I finally arrive on the scene to a sobbing Queen begging me to break up with her. Meanwhile my roommate is in the car sleeping in my illegally parked car. 2 hours later we get down to an ultimatum - any more huge blowups, arguments, drama or anything and I was gone - that was it.
I was hopeful...for about a week. Then there were small rumblings, but nothing to warrant my bailing. Another week later and it was done. Evidently I wasn't spending enough time with The Queen before my temporary duty for a few weeks (three to four nights a week isn't enough evidently) and when I decided to spend a night seeing a movie with the roommate that she didn't want to see it started the angry texts all over again.
Like everything else breaking up with her wasn't easy - it took an entire day and I missed about an hour of work. At the end of it, however, she put on a brave face after talking with her family and I was clear...at least I thought. I also thought that we could still be friends - not everyday friends, but maybe keep in touch and be friendly. I honestly still thought that she was nice, but just not good for me as a girlfriend. She even drove me to the airport!
I proceeded to leave for a few weeks and I was just having a good time, forgetting about the disastrous last few months when I got an e-mail from the Shredder harassing me about breaking up with The Queen and how my roommate was treating her like a piece of meat, just being a general asshole and other assorted accusations. I was forced to call The Queen who accused me of not really wanting to be her friend and how one of my siblings was sending her pictures of me from some of my nights out in the lower 48. These pictures were inaccessible to only my friends (including The Queen) and my sister had no knowledge of any of this stuff. There was even a copy of my sister's myspace created to make it look like she was sending The Queen these pictures. The Queen blamed Shredder - who she had accused of being successful in breaking us up.
This is when I first had the thought that Shredder was a completely fabricated person (the idea of copying my sister's myspace put it in my head). It would be a rather simple matter to register an e-mail address, find some pictures online, and create some fake profiles on various social networking websites from which The Queen/Shredder could harass me, garner sympathy as The Queen was supposedly getting pranked/harassed by Shredder, get other women out of the way (The Illini anyone?), and basically serve as a scapegoat for anything that goes wrong between The Queen and I.
Over the next two months Shredder was blamed (and I got e-mails about) for trying to get The Queen to take her own life, for scoring a couple shots on The Queen with a baseball bat (but only before The Queen shaved her head), for ordering a bunch of food that The Queen supposedly had to pay for, for poisoning The Queen's pets, stealing her purse (and leaving it at my place outside my door), and leaving animal parts on The Queen's car.
This shit was getting weird...the roommate and I did some more in-depth analysis of the social networking sites both The Queen and Shredder belonged to and confirmed the fact that not only was Shredder a totally fictitious person, but that it was indeed The Queen that created this person. Now, I didn't want all this creative energy focused on me and burning down my house so I did what any self-respecting coward would do, I waited it out.
Over time The Queen realized her antics weren't going to convince me to get back together with her and so a new story was made up - a deal between Shredder and The Queen where Shredder went to rehab and The Queen would do anything she wanted after Shredder got out. Evidently Shredder (remember - Shredder doesn't exist) had a nasty cocaine habit, burned The Queen with cigarettes, and hit such a low in this whole endeavor that she agreed to rehab. I wish her well :)
In any case I still long for the day when my regular dating stories were exciting to me - not this crazy stuff. For example, take this exchange from my junior year of college, "OMG!!! Like I totally went for the HUG and SHE went for the KISS!!! ROFL!!!"
Here's to normalcy - until next time!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
Recap over...
One night this all came to a head with The Queen. About four of the previously mentioned arguments (along with a few I didn't mention) came into play and I was DD'ing while she had carte blanche to drink as much as she wanted - and she did. Furthermore, the roommate and I decided that we would want to have our first "Koots" experience. So, to sum up we have an unhappy Arctic Fox, a drunk, upset, belligerent Queen, and a happy, but drunk roommate trying to keep the peace - and we're all going to Koots!
So, a few storm offs (and many times I failed to follow the storm offs), a few tense conversations, and a whole hell of a lot of nervous smiles from my roommate later it's 2:30 in the AM, The Queen won't let me drive her home (I'm the only sober one), and I make the decision to get the "f" out. I say, "okay," see her get into a cab and begin the drive home. Then comes the texts - I didn't realize I still had her keys, but I did now. However, The Queen is still drunk I think she went back to Koots while everybody was emptying out. So we go back to Koots and finally realize The Queen is back at her place - about 3:30 AM I finally arrive on the scene to a sobbing Queen begging me to break up with her. Meanwhile my roommate is in the car sleeping in my illegally parked car. 2 hours later we get down to an ultimatum - any more huge blowups, arguments, drama or anything and I was gone - that was it.
I was hopeful...for about a week. Then there were small rumblings, but nothing to warrant my bailing. Another week later and it was done. Evidently I wasn't spending enough time with The Queen before my temporary duty for a few weeks (three to four nights a week isn't enough evidently) and when I decided to spend a night seeing a movie with the roommate that she didn't want to see it started the angry texts all over again.
Like everything else breaking up with her wasn't easy - it took an entire day and I missed about an hour of work. At the end of it, however, she put on a brave face after talking with her family and I was clear...at least I thought. I also thought that we could still be friends - not everyday friends, but maybe keep in touch and be friendly. I honestly still thought that she was nice, but just not good for me as a girlfriend. She even drove me to the airport!
I proceeded to leave for a few weeks and I was just having a good time, forgetting about the disastrous last few months when I got an e-mail from the Shredder harassing me about breaking up with The Queen and how my roommate was treating her like a piece of meat, just being a general asshole and other assorted accusations. I was forced to call The Queen who accused me of not really wanting to be her friend and how one of my siblings was sending her pictures of me from some of my nights out in the lower 48. These pictures were inaccessible to only my friends (including The Queen) and my sister had no knowledge of any of this stuff. There was even a copy of my sister's myspace created to make it look like she was sending The Queen these pictures. The Queen blamed Shredder - who she had accused of being successful in breaking us up.
This is when I first had the thought that Shredder was a completely fabricated person (the idea of copying my sister's myspace put it in my head). It would be a rather simple matter to register an e-mail address, find some pictures online, and create some fake profiles on various social networking websites from which The Queen/Shredder could harass me, garner sympathy as The Queen was supposedly getting pranked/harassed by Shredder, get other women out of the way (The Illini anyone?), and basically serve as a scapegoat for anything that goes wrong between The Queen and I.
Over the next two months Shredder was blamed (and I got e-mails about) for trying to get The Queen to take her own life, for scoring a couple shots on The Queen with a baseball bat (but only before The Queen shaved her head), for ordering a bunch of food that The Queen supposedly had to pay for, for poisoning The Queen's pets, stealing her purse (and leaving it at my place outside my door), and leaving animal parts on The Queen's car.
This shit was getting weird...the roommate and I did some more in-depth analysis of the social networking sites both The Queen and Shredder belonged to and confirmed the fact that not only was Shredder a totally fictitious person, but that it was indeed The Queen that created this person. Now, I didn't want all this creative energy focused on me and burning down my house so I did what any self-respecting coward would do, I waited it out.
Over time The Queen realized her antics weren't going to convince me to get back together with her and so a new story was made up - a deal between Shredder and The Queen where Shredder went to rehab and The Queen would do anything she wanted after Shredder got out. Evidently Shredder (remember - Shredder doesn't exist) had a nasty cocaine habit, burned The Queen with cigarettes, and hit such a low in this whole endeavor that she agreed to rehab. I wish her well :)
In any case I still long for the day when my regular dating stories were exciting to me - not this crazy stuff. For example, take this exchange from my junior year of college, "OMG!!! Like I totally went for the HUG and SHE went for the KISS!!! ROFL!!!"
Here's to normalcy - until next time!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
I've been apprehensive to blog about this particular person as there is a fair chance that my house might get burned down should we get back in contact with each other, but it's been a few months and I think I'm safe...
This will be a multi-part entry - I'm not sure how many parts at this point because if I included everything I could probably go on for a couple of months, but The Queen represented my "real" introduction to dating in Anchorage - heaven knows I made mistakes in this thing too, but it got weird with The Queen and it got weird real quick. As you read this entry and the following parts you will probably ask yourself, "why the hell didn't he just get out?" That would be a fair question - and to be honest I should have run for the hills almost immediately, but The Queen has a way of sucking you into her world - and even if one doesn't like that world one might think they could make it better. Plus, I have a lot of patience - but a lot less so after this experience...
The Queen came shortly after "The Condo Hunter" (a subject of a future post). I was minding my own business one day when I got a notification of a message on my myspace. This is very odd for me because I'm more of a facebook guy and only have a myspace to keep up with my siblings (they blog on there and e-mail me). Even more surprisingly it was a woman - and an attractive one at that! The message was to the effect that she thought I was cute and should talk sometime. Now, back home I almost never got hit on, I did okay, but I was never the guy that women would approach and it wasn't because I was intimidating - you would never find me on the cover of GQ, for example. So, a few e-mails and I was off on a date. It went pretty well, but I made one cardinal mistake that men and women make every once in awhile - I slept with her on the first date! This was not a problem at the time, but it became more so because of another mistake...
...About two weeks before the message from The Queen I went on a date with "The Illini" - a very nice woman (missing out on that is probably the biggest regret I had in Anchorage). She went on vacation shortly after our date and I told her to get back to me if she wanted to go out again. Well, a week went by and then the second week went by and she never got back to me (it turns out this was just a very long vacation - she hadn't seen her family in months). The mistake definitely wasn't going out with The Illini, but I should have wrapped that up fully before dating (and sleeping with) another person. I didn't so about a week after The Queen and I started dating The Illini called, back from her trip and looking for a night out with yours truly.
A week was enough to see that The Illini was a much better woman for a long term type of relationship and that The Queen was going to be more difficult. So I had a few options - dump The Queen, go with the Illini and hope for the best, stick with The Queen because I was an idiot thinking with something other than my brain and hope the Illini would be available after the divorce, do something that is normally unthinkable for me - play the field, or tell the truth and probably end up alone. I went with the last choice - I told The Queen first about my situation and that I felt the need to be honest with her and that I would like to keep dating, but to keep things non-serious. This was the first DTR conversation I had with The Queen and she had already locked in pretty heavy on me so she was none too pleased to hear that a woman that I had written off was trying to come back into my life and that I was open to the proposition.
I learned that day that honesty is a bitch - but it was much better than a simpleton like me trying to "play the field." The Queen, while upset, said that she appreciated that I told her the truth and that she would kindly never want to see me again. I was honest with The Illini and told her I went on a couple of dates while she was gone, but that I was alone yet again - she was okay with that - everything was still casual.
A couple of days later - after a second date with The Illini - I got a mysterious message from "Shredder" - saying I was cute and she was new and needed someone to show her around town. I responded (learning my lesson) that I would be more than happy being a new friend (at the time I didn't have many in town), but that I couldn't be more than that. Almost immediately after I got a message saying that I was "caught in the act" and that The Illini would soon get a message detailing my transgressions. The message also stated that Shredder was a friend of The Queen. The Illini soon sent me a message from Shredder saying what an evil guy I was, how I liked to hurt women for fun, and how basically I was a Nazi that liked to eat small children. I told The Illini that I wasn't that type of guy, but that perhaps she should look elsewhere for a guy while I dealt with an obvious stalker who hated me.
Very shortly thereafter my phone rang and it was The Queen - she had a small household emergency that she needed help with and I was the only guy she knew that could help her. Cautiously, and stupidly I might add, I went over to help. There really wasn't much of a problem, but one offer from The Queen to give a massage, some low light, and a movie later I was back in The Queens web.
As I type this out I think the readers can see where this might be going, but I guess I was just an idiot and didn't connect the dots right away - if you're in my shoes at the time I'm still extremely naive about Anchorage women and didn't think one would go to these lengths to keep one. If you haven't connected the dots already - congrats on still being innocent and be careful as this might happen to you!
In any case things were awesome - for about a week. There was some regular female companionship, cooking for one another, cuddling, movies, dates - it was good. Then came the fights. These weren't your knockout, dragout numbers mind you - I don't anger very easily. However, invariably I would do something wrong - not make a date on the day she wanted, not say the right thing, etc, etc that would set The Queen off. These fights would never get settled, but rather she would go down to her car parked in my driveway and text me from there and continue the fight by texting or calling. It was all very passive aggressive. This would end after a night and her saying that her new friend, Shredder, work, stress, or something was making her crazy. Either that or I would get tired and promise to do better - there was about a 50/50 ratio of the former to the latter.
Some of our fights - in no particular order -
1.) I saw a movie we were supposed to see at a friends bachelor party (a very tame bachelor party, dinner, movie, and a night out on the town, but who I was to veto the movie - I was just an usher!)
2.) I told the story of how The Queen and I got together too often because I "wanted people just to say I was still a good guy"
3.) I would rather do laundry than spend time with her (I had a two week long trip in 6 hours and no clothes)
4.) She wasn't comfortable sleeping at my house (various reasons - some funny, some not)
5.) She thought a co-worker liked me
6.) I wasn't really "there" in the relationship
7.) I didn't say I missed her enough (I was gone for a week)
So at then end of part one I've made a few mistakes and ended up with The Queen, the fights have started and I'm a miserable person, but the worst...that's yet to come...
Until Part Deux...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
This will be a multi-part entry - I'm not sure how many parts at this point because if I included everything I could probably go on for a couple of months, but The Queen represented my "real" introduction to dating in Anchorage - heaven knows I made mistakes in this thing too, but it got weird with The Queen and it got weird real quick. As you read this entry and the following parts you will probably ask yourself, "why the hell didn't he just get out?" That would be a fair question - and to be honest I should have run for the hills almost immediately, but The Queen has a way of sucking you into her world - and even if one doesn't like that world one might think they could make it better. Plus, I have a lot of patience - but a lot less so after this experience...
The Queen came shortly after "The Condo Hunter" (a subject of a future post). I was minding my own business one day when I got a notification of a message on my myspace. This is very odd for me because I'm more of a facebook guy and only have a myspace to keep up with my siblings (they blog on there and e-mail me). Even more surprisingly it was a woman - and an attractive one at that! The message was to the effect that she thought I was cute and should talk sometime. Now, back home I almost never got hit on, I did okay, but I was never the guy that women would approach and it wasn't because I was intimidating - you would never find me on the cover of GQ, for example. So, a few e-mails and I was off on a date. It went pretty well, but I made one cardinal mistake that men and women make every once in awhile - I slept with her on the first date! This was not a problem at the time, but it became more so because of another mistake...
...About two weeks before the message from The Queen I went on a date with "The Illini" - a very nice woman (missing out on that is probably the biggest regret I had in Anchorage). She went on vacation shortly after our date and I told her to get back to me if she wanted to go out again. Well, a week went by and then the second week went by and she never got back to me (it turns out this was just a very long vacation - she hadn't seen her family in months). The mistake definitely wasn't going out with The Illini, but I should have wrapped that up fully before dating (and sleeping with) another person. I didn't so about a week after The Queen and I started dating The Illini called, back from her trip and looking for a night out with yours truly.
A week was enough to see that The Illini was a much better woman for a long term type of relationship and that The Queen was going to be more difficult. So I had a few options - dump The Queen, go with the Illini and hope for the best, stick with The Queen because I was an idiot thinking with something other than my brain and hope the Illini would be available after the divorce, do something that is normally unthinkable for me - play the field, or tell the truth and probably end up alone. I went with the last choice - I told The Queen first about my situation and that I felt the need to be honest with her and that I would like to keep dating, but to keep things non-serious. This was the first DTR conversation I had with The Queen and she had already locked in pretty heavy on me so she was none too pleased to hear that a woman that I had written off was trying to come back into my life and that I was open to the proposition.
I learned that day that honesty is a bitch - but it was much better than a simpleton like me trying to "play the field." The Queen, while upset, said that she appreciated that I told her the truth and that she would kindly never want to see me again. I was honest with The Illini and told her I went on a couple of dates while she was gone, but that I was alone yet again - she was okay with that - everything was still casual.
A couple of days later - after a second date with The Illini - I got a mysterious message from "Shredder" - saying I was cute and she was new and needed someone to show her around town. I responded (learning my lesson) that I would be more than happy being a new friend (at the time I didn't have many in town), but that I couldn't be more than that. Almost immediately after I got a message saying that I was "caught in the act" and that The Illini would soon get a message detailing my transgressions. The message also stated that Shredder was a friend of The Queen. The Illini soon sent me a message from Shredder saying what an evil guy I was, how I liked to hurt women for fun, and how basically I was a Nazi that liked to eat small children. I told The Illini that I wasn't that type of guy, but that perhaps she should look elsewhere for a guy while I dealt with an obvious stalker who hated me.
Very shortly thereafter my phone rang and it was The Queen - she had a small household emergency that she needed help with and I was the only guy she knew that could help her. Cautiously, and stupidly I might add, I went over to help. There really wasn't much of a problem, but one offer from The Queen to give a massage, some low light, and a movie later I was back in The Queens web.
As I type this out I think the readers can see where this might be going, but I guess I was just an idiot and didn't connect the dots right away - if you're in my shoes at the time I'm still extremely naive about Anchorage women and didn't think one would go to these lengths to keep one. If you haven't connected the dots already - congrats on still being innocent and be careful as this might happen to you!
In any case things were awesome - for about a week. There was some regular female companionship, cooking for one another, cuddling, movies, dates - it was good. Then came the fights. These weren't your knockout, dragout numbers mind you - I don't anger very easily. However, invariably I would do something wrong - not make a date on the day she wanted, not say the right thing, etc, etc that would set The Queen off. These fights would never get settled, but rather she would go down to her car parked in my driveway and text me from there and continue the fight by texting or calling. It was all very passive aggressive. This would end after a night and her saying that her new friend, Shredder, work, stress, or something was making her crazy. Either that or I would get tired and promise to do better - there was about a 50/50 ratio of the former to the latter.
Some of our fights - in no particular order -
1.) I saw a movie we were supposed to see at a friends bachelor party (a very tame bachelor party, dinner, movie, and a night out on the town, but who I was to veto the movie - I was just an usher!)
2.) I told the story of how The Queen and I got together too often because I "wanted people just to say I was still a good guy"
3.) I would rather do laundry than spend time with her (I had a two week long trip in 6 hours and no clothes)
4.) She wasn't comfortable sleeping at my house (various reasons - some funny, some not)
5.) She thought a co-worker liked me
6.) I wasn't really "there" in the relationship
7.) I didn't say I missed her enough (I was gone for a week)
So at then end of part one I've made a few mistakes and ended up with The Queen, the fights have started and I'm a miserable person, but the worst...that's yet to come...
Until Part Deux...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
In my first post I said I would stray from the topics of dating from time to time and I think three dating posts is probably my limit. As much as I love to relive the highlights of my robust dating life here in Anchorage I think it's good to keep things fresh and exciting by switching the subject every once in awhile.
In that vein I think I will occasionally do a review of some of establishments here in Anchorage. I've been here for almost a year now and while I haven't seen all the nightlife (drinking is very popular in Anchorage) I've seen a pretty fair portion of the bars here.
I'll start on Muldoon - a little place known as "The Log Cabin." Now, if you're a single looking for love, or even a "meaningful one night relationship" do not come to the Cabin. If you're looking for a dive where you can shoot pool, throw some darts, and drink some Jager and Red Bull out of a mason jar then this is your place. I personally love dive bars - they're a great place to hang out, you meet interesting people (but don't take them home), they have personality, and you get a great local flavor. So many of the bars nowadays are like the suburbs - very nice, they have everything you want, but they're just cookie-cutter. One bar is like another bar is like another bar...that usually means a club, but lately I've been seeing what I call "the Applebees effect" on a host of other styles besides dance clubs - Irish bars, cocktail clubs (not dancing, but those places that specialize in martinis and other mixed drinks), and Country/Western bars, etc, etc. Maybe it's just me, but I like a place that authentic and a little more "real" than other places - The Log Cabin is that place.
First of all, it's not a new construction - in fact if you look at the very low ceilings too closely (as my mechanical engineer roommate did last night) you might be afraid the roof will fall in on you. This shouldn't be too much of a concern, however, as the roof is rumored to be made of sod you'll just have a bunch of dirt falling on you.
Secondly is the people. When you walk in there will be one of a few things you will see - people that have "lived life" at the bar (teeth optional - and, if a woman, might give you an "ass inspection" before you come in - I passed), a somewhat youngish bartender with a nice smile, or an oldish bartender with a tattoo on her shoulder that predates my birthday (my original birthday back in 1984). A note about the people - I've been told by some that a nickname for this place is "The Stabbin' Cabin," but everyone I've met in the place up to and including last night have been friendly. A witty comment, a round of drinks, and a friendly game of darts will get you far, but make no mistake - the crowd that goes to the cabin runs the gamut from nice fellows (like myself) to people that will actually stab you if you cross them - so just play nice. In fact, just last night I saw my first fight at The Cabin that required a call to the police and a dude having to probably get a few stitches (no stabbing - his jar broke on his arm during the altercation). At the end of the day, however, the Cabin is filled with the blue-collar local types that just want to relax and have a good time with friends so feel free to join is as long as you aren't a douche.
Most of the bar and surfaces have been resurfaced so many times there's probably more lacquer than wood in the place, but that's just part of the charm. There's the bar, a few tables near the bar, and a couple of side rooms where people can shoot pool or actually enjoy a fireplace. Our crowd generally goes to the back further away from the pool table and has a pretty good time listening to the classic rock and throwing darts. The servers will generally give you very good service and if they didn't have a tray would probably be one the regulars. I get the sense from The Cabin that many a regular have probably worked there for a bit and then went back to being a customer.
The drinks at the Cabin are as good or better as any else in Anchorage - they make them pretty good and strong. That's one of the things I've read (and seen) about some of the newer places with a startling lack of personality - they really skimp on the drinks. From a business standpoint this makes some sense - really be careful about measuring out your drinks and people will have to buy more drinks and you can train bartenders faster - just follow the recipe. But like any recipe the final dish will be better when someone who knows how to cook will use their gut and play with the ingredients a bit. There's nothing like having a bartender who knows, intuitively, how to mix a drink - even something as simple as a rum and coke. No measuring device can replace years of experience pouring drinks in a town that really knows how to drink.
That's what a place like The Cabin can give you - people and a place who may be a bit too weathered for the hottest club and you may not want to take home at night, but the experience and atmosphere - from the sod roof to the good drinks in the mason jars - that has real...character. Contrast that with some new places that have the atmosphere of a popped collar, weak drinks made by people hired more for bra size or a face shot than ability to make drinks, and crappy music so loud you can't hear the person next to you. Don't get me wrong - I've been to those places, I enjoy those places for what they are, but like I said at the beginning - it's like buying a house in the suburbs - all very nice, but you miss the substance. I go to The Cabin and places like it for substance and character - even if it does need a good remodeling job.
Well, I'm splitting the shift with The Jitterbean Girl today so if I want to keep this blog I better get ready to get to work...but interest in this blog is increasing and I think in the near future we'll have some guest bloggers lined up. So for all my readers outside of Alaska you'll know it's not just me - Anchorage is pretty crazy.
Well, here's to good people, not getting stabbed, and character - may it never go out of style...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
In that vein I think I will occasionally do a review of some of establishments here in Anchorage. I've been here for almost a year now and while I haven't seen all the nightlife (drinking is very popular in Anchorage) I've seen a pretty fair portion of the bars here.
I'll start on Muldoon - a little place known as "The Log Cabin." Now, if you're a single looking for love, or even a "meaningful one night relationship" do not come to the Cabin. If you're looking for a dive where you can shoot pool, throw some darts, and drink some Jager and Red Bull out of a mason jar then this is your place. I personally love dive bars - they're a great place to hang out, you meet interesting people (but don't take them home), they have personality, and you get a great local flavor. So many of the bars nowadays are like the suburbs - very nice, they have everything you want, but they're just cookie-cutter. One bar is like another bar is like another bar...that usually means a club, but lately I've been seeing what I call "the Applebees effect" on a host of other styles besides dance clubs - Irish bars, cocktail clubs (not dancing, but those places that specialize in martinis and other mixed drinks), and Country/Western bars, etc, etc. Maybe it's just me, but I like a place that authentic and a little more "real" than other places - The Log Cabin is that place.
First of all, it's not a new construction - in fact if you look at the very low ceilings too closely (as my mechanical engineer roommate did last night) you might be afraid the roof will fall in on you. This shouldn't be too much of a concern, however, as the roof is rumored to be made of sod you'll just have a bunch of dirt falling on you.
Secondly is the people. When you walk in there will be one of a few things you will see - people that have "lived life" at the bar (teeth optional - and, if a woman, might give you an "ass inspection" before you come in - I passed), a somewhat youngish bartender with a nice smile, or an oldish bartender with a tattoo on her shoulder that predates my birthday (my original birthday back in 1984). A note about the people - I've been told by some that a nickname for this place is "The Stabbin' Cabin," but everyone I've met in the place up to and including last night have been friendly. A witty comment, a round of drinks, and a friendly game of darts will get you far, but make no mistake - the crowd that goes to the cabin runs the gamut from nice fellows (like myself) to people that will actually stab you if you cross them - so just play nice. In fact, just last night I saw my first fight at The Cabin that required a call to the police and a dude having to probably get a few stitches (no stabbing - his jar broke on his arm during the altercation). At the end of the day, however, the Cabin is filled with the blue-collar local types that just want to relax and have a good time with friends so feel free to join is as long as you aren't a douche.
Most of the bar and surfaces have been resurfaced so many times there's probably more lacquer than wood in the place, but that's just part of the charm. There's the bar, a few tables near the bar, and a couple of side rooms where people can shoot pool or actually enjoy a fireplace. Our crowd generally goes to the back further away from the pool table and has a pretty good time listening to the classic rock and throwing darts. The servers will generally give you very good service and if they didn't have a tray would probably be one the regulars. I get the sense from The Cabin that many a regular have probably worked there for a bit and then went back to being a customer.
The drinks at the Cabin are as good or better as any else in Anchorage - they make them pretty good and strong. That's one of the things I've read (and seen) about some of the newer places with a startling lack of personality - they really skimp on the drinks. From a business standpoint this makes some sense - really be careful about measuring out your drinks and people will have to buy more drinks and you can train bartenders faster - just follow the recipe. But like any recipe the final dish will be better when someone who knows how to cook will use their gut and play with the ingredients a bit. There's nothing like having a bartender who knows, intuitively, how to mix a drink - even something as simple as a rum and coke. No measuring device can replace years of experience pouring drinks in a town that really knows how to drink.
That's what a place like The Cabin can give you - people and a place who may be a bit too weathered for the hottest club and you may not want to take home at night, but the experience and atmosphere - from the sod roof to the good drinks in the mason jars - that has real...character. Contrast that with some new places that have the atmosphere of a popped collar, weak drinks made by people hired more for bra size or a face shot than ability to make drinks, and crappy music so loud you can't hear the person next to you. Don't get me wrong - I've been to those places, I enjoy those places for what they are, but like I said at the beginning - it's like buying a house in the suburbs - all very nice, but you miss the substance. I go to The Cabin and places like it for substance and character - even if it does need a good remodeling job.
Well, I'm splitting the shift with The Jitterbean Girl today so if I want to keep this blog I better get ready to get to work...but interest in this blog is increasing and I think in the near future we'll have some guest bloggers lined up. So for all my readers outside of Alaska you'll know it's not just me - Anchorage is pretty crazy.
Well, here's to good people, not getting stabbed, and character - may it never go out of style...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
It's late again after a 12 hour shift, but I'm pretty excited that people are actually reading this so I feel compelled to share another story before I can get to bed...
This story provides a pretty nice bookend to Wasilla Susie as I was in the opposite position - a nice young woman was definitely ready for a relationship and I wasn't.
This one did not start online, but was one of those kind of random meetings - I honestly don't even remember what I was doing out - some sort of shopping for something that seemed important at the time and I made some kind of witty comment (the same kind you can find here every day) and the conversation was off, which led to the phone number, which led to the first date.
We went to the Glacier Brewhouse and enjoyed a nice, busy evening filled with some pretty good food. I'm of the opinion that it's a pretty good first date place if you can't find anything better. It's in a nice place downtown, good food, and while the restaurant is nice it's not too crazy nice for a first date. Like most first dates everything went pretty well and I was rewarded with a nice kiss at the end of the night.
We went on a few more dates, but I really wasn't putting any effort into this thing. I had just gotten over a pretty crazy relationship (I'm going to need a whole month off to write that post) and was just wading back into the dating pool after a pretty long absence (I was also on TDY for 6 weeks so it was hard to date anyway). So while I was inclined to meet women I wasn't really inclined to get myself too involved.
After a week of these no effort dates (generally a quick dinner, watch a movie, make out, etc) I started getting some disturbing signs - things were being intentionally left at my place, for example. Surely I couldn't know if it was intentional, could I? Well, the major clue was when the temperature dipped down to 10 degrees and the Big Bird "left" her coat on my couch. I'm sorry, but it's very hard to believe that anyone forgets their coat in Alaska and then just happens to call 10 minutes later saying they will get it next time they're over - and, oh, when is that going to be again? Other things were left and I wasn't too concerned at this point because it was early on and I still liked her.
Then about two weeks later I had my own DTR - "define the relationship" moment. I did what any self respecting gentleman would do - I totally punted. I told her that I liked her and what we had going on, but after my last experience I wasn't going to jump into anything very quickly and it would be awhile before I would get there. It wasn't quite a "slow, very slow" moment, but it was very close. The problem is that I didn't close it right there and I didn't jump right in. Of course, to my benefit I didn't introduce her to family (although she did meet a few friends), didn't put her through any "checkride" questions - I really wasn't trying at all and I was still getting pushed. I, at least, thought my behavior was consistent with what I was saying.
At this point my approach and Big Bird's approach differed from mine - where I kind of backed off and went back to the old pattern until my moment of truth approached (my trip overseas) when I had another talk. Big Bird, however, decided that I was now a prize to be won - I got a few cooked dinners, more than a few offers for a back massage, and an invite over to her place (because she was sick) where she greeted me in a t-shirt and underwear and beckoned me in to cuddle. Needless to say this was going the route of so many Anchorage romances - down to a crazy and weird place.
Shortly thereafter there was another talk and an official end to the nesting and all that good effort. I would like to think that had Big Bird not turned into a "stage 5 clinger" I might have given her a chance in time, but in light of my dealings with Wasilla Susie I'm not so sure - I guess when something doesn't develop it just doesn't develop and there's no sense keeping someone clinging when you don't have that level of affection. And, like me, the Big Bird might have been the victim of my previous relationship. Now, of course there are differences and I've highlighted them here - I still like to think I was much more consistent in my actions than Wasilla Susie - but the similarities are striking to me when I think about it.
So I guess the real question I think about when I compare these two situations is a question of approach - can you really pursue somebody in the 21st century? Does gender affect that process - perhaps a male has an easier time being more aggressive than a woman in our culture - I don't know, but in these situations the roles were reversed with negative effects both times - when I returned to the same pattern with Wasilla Susie nothing happened except for more frustration and an eventual tough conversation and when Big Bird pursued me it only turned me sour and she lost ground from her goal. I doubt me "turning up the heat" would have helped - but maybe in another situation it might have.
Well, I don't know, but feel free to chime in - it's obvious it's getting to rambling time here at the homestead so I'll sign off for now...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
This story provides a pretty nice bookend to Wasilla Susie as I was in the opposite position - a nice young woman was definitely ready for a relationship and I wasn't.
This one did not start online, but was one of those kind of random meetings - I honestly don't even remember what I was doing out - some sort of shopping for something that seemed important at the time and I made some kind of witty comment (the same kind you can find here every day) and the conversation was off, which led to the phone number, which led to the first date.
We went to the Glacier Brewhouse and enjoyed a nice, busy evening filled with some pretty good food. I'm of the opinion that it's a pretty good first date place if you can't find anything better. It's in a nice place downtown, good food, and while the restaurant is nice it's not too crazy nice for a first date. Like most first dates everything went pretty well and I was rewarded with a nice kiss at the end of the night.
We went on a few more dates, but I really wasn't putting any effort into this thing. I had just gotten over a pretty crazy relationship (I'm going to need a whole month off to write that post) and was just wading back into the dating pool after a pretty long absence (I was also on TDY for 6 weeks so it was hard to date anyway). So while I was inclined to meet women I wasn't really inclined to get myself too involved.
After a week of these no effort dates (generally a quick dinner, watch a movie, make out, etc) I started getting some disturbing signs - things were being intentionally left at my place, for example. Surely I couldn't know if it was intentional, could I? Well, the major clue was when the temperature dipped down to 10 degrees and the Big Bird "left" her coat on my couch. I'm sorry, but it's very hard to believe that anyone forgets their coat in Alaska and then just happens to call 10 minutes later saying they will get it next time they're over - and, oh, when is that going to be again? Other things were left and I wasn't too concerned at this point because it was early on and I still liked her.
Then about two weeks later I had my own DTR - "define the relationship" moment. I did what any self respecting gentleman would do - I totally punted. I told her that I liked her and what we had going on, but after my last experience I wasn't going to jump into anything very quickly and it would be awhile before I would get there. It wasn't quite a "slow, very slow" moment, but it was very close. The problem is that I didn't close it right there and I didn't jump right in. Of course, to my benefit I didn't introduce her to family (although she did meet a few friends), didn't put her through any "checkride" questions - I really wasn't trying at all and I was still getting pushed. I, at least, thought my behavior was consistent with what I was saying.
At this point my approach and Big Bird's approach differed from mine - where I kind of backed off and went back to the old pattern until my moment of truth approached (my trip overseas) when I had another talk. Big Bird, however, decided that I was now a prize to be won - I got a few cooked dinners, more than a few offers for a back massage, and an invite over to her place (because she was sick) where she greeted me in a t-shirt and underwear and beckoned me in to cuddle. Needless to say this was going the route of so many Anchorage romances - down to a crazy and weird place.
Shortly thereafter there was another talk and an official end to the nesting and all that good effort. I would like to think that had Big Bird not turned into a "stage 5 clinger" I might have given her a chance in time, but in light of my dealings with Wasilla Susie I'm not so sure - I guess when something doesn't develop it just doesn't develop and there's no sense keeping someone clinging when you don't have that level of affection. And, like me, the Big Bird might have been the victim of my previous relationship. Now, of course there are differences and I've highlighted them here - I still like to think I was much more consistent in my actions than Wasilla Susie - but the similarities are striking to me when I think about it.
So I guess the real question I think about when I compare these two situations is a question of approach - can you really pursue somebody in the 21st century? Does gender affect that process - perhaps a male has an easier time being more aggressive than a woman in our culture - I don't know, but in these situations the roles were reversed with negative effects both times - when I returned to the same pattern with Wasilla Susie nothing happened except for more frustration and an eventual tough conversation and when Big Bird pursued me it only turned me sour and she lost ground from her goal. I doubt me "turning up the heat" would have helped - but maybe in another situation it might have.
Well, I don't know, but feel free to chime in - it's obvious it's getting to rambling time here at the homestead so I'll sign off for now...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
First of all, thanks for all the good comments both on and offline about the first entry - rest assured the experience went from sad to a funny work story (and later this blog) in about a day so I'm not exactly slitting my wrists as I make this next post...
That being said I thought I would change gears a lot and write about another woman I've dated recently - Wasilla Susie.
Now, to be upfront Wasilla Susie is a very nice woman and I think what ended this thing was more miscommunication and timing than anything else - but the story should raise some good discussion on DTR situations - "define the relationship."
Well, enough exposition - let's get to the meat and potatoes of what happened...
I met Wasilla Susie online - gasp! Yes, I'm an online dater. I have a few rules - no sex websites, avoid talking to women out of desperation (this is a general rule - it's not fair to the woman if you wouldn't normally talk to her for whatever reason - online or no), and maybe this is a bit conceited, but try to avoid reaching out to women at all online. I know, I know - you gotta put yourself out there, but I just feel awkward getting out there too much, but this was not a concern with Wasilla Susie - when she came on the specific site I thought to myself - "man, I hope she e-mails me!" Luckily, she did and we were off.
The e-mails went back and forth furiously for about a week - I'm a big e-mail junkie so we were e-mailing a lot. Now, despite your opinion of the blog and my writing skills this particular woman thought I wrote pretty well. To be honest with some of the stories about male behavior on dating sites I guess forming a coherent sentence that doesn't have to do with sex might qualify me as a good writer, but I digress.
--- Ok, at this point I guess I have to put it on the to-do list to do a post on online dating...keep me honest!
We finally got to the point where we were talking on the phone and soon after we were off on a date. We went to the Bear's Tooth and there was immediate chemistry during our movie/meal (for those of you not in Anchorage the Bear's Tooth is a movie theatre where you either get a booth and a table or just a seat with a table in front of you and you can eat a good meal during the movie - Kansas City is the only other place I've seen with a setup like this so I happen to think it's pretty unique). Now, when I say chemistry I don't mean heavy eye contact - her hand was placed firmly on my upper thigh for some of the movie, there was some pretty good kissing, and since we were in a booth there was some good cuddling. Despite all of that, however, we weren't sitting in a booth making out like freshman - it strode the line between dirty and exciting and chaste and I was feeling pretty good. I'll be quite honest here, I was thanking God in my prayers for such a nice date (there's another posting behind that statement, but we'll get into that another time).
The second date was equally good except for the fact I was called away to work. This, however, even worked in my favor. Since I really liked the girl I pulled out my money move and cooked a gourmet meal for her. I was raised pretty well by the females in my family - they were of another generation and thereby didn't want to raise a subsequent generation of men who couldn't cook, do laundry, or any other domestic chores a person needs to learn in life. Since I was called away to work, however, I had to cook in uniform - so not only was I a man in uniform, but I was treating her. A third date was in the bag...
The next date didn't slow things down. We had a nice dinner for the third date and I started to get what I call "checkride" questions - what exactly did I mean on my profile when I said I wasn't sure about kids, where do I see myself in the future, what are some policies (my word not hers) on committed relationships, etc, etc... I thought I was on the road to nice girlfriend land.
For the fourth date I went to her grandmother's birthday dinner - just Wasilla Susie, her father, her grandmother, and me! Around the same time I was coming up on a trip overseas for the Air Force for a few weeks and I wasn't sure how I felt about another guy possibly moving in and I didn't want there to be any confusion should I meet a nice woman on my temporary duty - if there was any question I would err on the side of caution, but I wanted that sense of stability before I got on that flight. So, I thought the fourth date - meeting her dad and other family - might be a good time to bring up where this thing was headed. The response wasn't as I expected - "slow, I want to take things real slow, it's my new thing." I suspect I might have been the victim of another guy treating her wrong in a relationship that got off to a fast start...I think I should "thank" all the jerks out there that make it tough for a guy like me! However, I maybe I really should thank them - I've been told I've been much appreciated by some members of the fairer sex for not being a douchebag.
So we went on a couple more dates, but they had a decidedly different tenor. She seemed worried any time the conversation would even scrape the surface of anything past the next date or even if I suggested a time out that went past the boundaries of the "traditional" date and more into the realm of a more familiar relationship - going shopping for instance was a bit iffy - she kept making excuses for why she had other places to be before we got comfortable and settled in for the evening with one another. Meeting the roommate also took longer than usual.
All the while this trip was looming - what should I do? I'm obviously dating the woman, but it's not serious, exclusive or really anything special despite several dates, us being about a month in, and my meeting of the dad and grandma on a family outing. I was feeling strung along - the bottom line is that she was perfectly comfortable keeping her options open while having me take her out in the evenings and knowing there was always a guy there. So I did what an idiot would do - I brought the subject up again and got the immediate, "I think we're in different places" talk. About halfway through this conversation that would lead me again confused and strung along I realized a very important fact...
...if a woman doesn't like you enough to settle for at least a nominal commitment (girlfriend, boyfriend - nothing too crazy here) than there's really no reason to be spending your time, money, effort, and feelings on something that probably won't turn out - it doesn't matter how nice the girl (in this case Wasilla Susie) is. It's not a failure on either side, just the lack of anything of substance to build on...
At the end of the day dating (especially in Anchorage) is a very fickle beast. It's much like catching lightening in a bottle. Had I caught Wasilla Susie six months from now or a year before she might have been in a different place to really give me a fair shake. If she had caught me a year ago I might not have given her a chance since I was moving all of the time and really didn't feel like having a serious girlfriend (but I certainly wouldn't have strung her along). In dating there's timing issues, chemistry issues, personality issues, life issues, outlook issues and they don't always match up and if they don't match up neither do you...
So my question for the peanut gallery, man or woman, is whether you've ever been on either side of this situation...if you've ever strung someone along to keep your options open or been strung along from a member of the opposite sex. I guess the sports nut in me is wondering what's worse - having an offense that is absolutely terrible and frustrating and never gets anywhere close to the goal line (my dating life circa 1998) or being able to continually get in the 'red zone' and never being able to score - not even a field goal (this story). Any comments on the latter metaphor would also be very welcome :)
Well, here's to a good offense - my advice is to not run the option to the short side of the field when you're in the red zone (ok, I have no idea what that means in terms of dating, but it sounds good because it's late and I worked 12 hours today).
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox...
That being said I thought I would change gears a lot and write about another woman I've dated recently - Wasilla Susie.
Now, to be upfront Wasilla Susie is a very nice woman and I think what ended this thing was more miscommunication and timing than anything else - but the story should raise some good discussion on DTR situations - "define the relationship."
Well, enough exposition - let's get to the meat and potatoes of what happened...
I met Wasilla Susie online - gasp! Yes, I'm an online dater. I have a few rules - no sex websites, avoid talking to women out of desperation (this is a general rule - it's not fair to the woman if you wouldn't normally talk to her for whatever reason - online or no), and maybe this is a bit conceited, but try to avoid reaching out to women at all online. I know, I know - you gotta put yourself out there, but I just feel awkward getting out there too much, but this was not a concern with Wasilla Susie - when she came on the specific site I thought to myself - "man, I hope she e-mails me!" Luckily, she did and we were off.
The e-mails went back and forth furiously for about a week - I'm a big e-mail junkie so we were e-mailing a lot. Now, despite your opinion of the blog and my writing skills this particular woman thought I wrote pretty well. To be honest with some of the stories about male behavior on dating sites I guess forming a coherent sentence that doesn't have to do with sex might qualify me as a good writer, but I digress.
--- Ok, at this point I guess I have to put it on the to-do list to do a post on online dating...keep me honest!
We finally got to the point where we were talking on the phone and soon after we were off on a date. We went to the Bear's Tooth and there was immediate chemistry during our movie/meal (for those of you not in Anchorage the Bear's Tooth is a movie theatre where you either get a booth and a table or just a seat with a table in front of you and you can eat a good meal during the movie - Kansas City is the only other place I've seen with a setup like this so I happen to think it's pretty unique). Now, when I say chemistry I don't mean heavy eye contact - her hand was placed firmly on my upper thigh for some of the movie, there was some pretty good kissing, and since we were in a booth there was some good cuddling. Despite all of that, however, we weren't sitting in a booth making out like freshman - it strode the line between dirty and exciting and chaste and I was feeling pretty good. I'll be quite honest here, I was thanking God in my prayers for such a nice date (there's another posting behind that statement, but we'll get into that another time).
The second date was equally good except for the fact I was called away to work. This, however, even worked in my favor. Since I really liked the girl I pulled out my money move and cooked a gourmet meal for her. I was raised pretty well by the females in my family - they were of another generation and thereby didn't want to raise a subsequent generation of men who couldn't cook, do laundry, or any other domestic chores a person needs to learn in life. Since I was called away to work, however, I had to cook in uniform - so not only was I a man in uniform, but I was treating her. A third date was in the bag...
The next date didn't slow things down. We had a nice dinner for the third date and I started to get what I call "checkride" questions - what exactly did I mean on my profile when I said I wasn't sure about kids, where do I see myself in the future, what are some policies (my word not hers) on committed relationships, etc, etc... I thought I was on the road to nice girlfriend land.
For the fourth date I went to her grandmother's birthday dinner - just Wasilla Susie, her father, her grandmother, and me! Around the same time I was coming up on a trip overseas for the Air Force for a few weeks and I wasn't sure how I felt about another guy possibly moving in and I didn't want there to be any confusion should I meet a nice woman on my temporary duty - if there was any question I would err on the side of caution, but I wanted that sense of stability before I got on that flight. So, I thought the fourth date - meeting her dad and other family - might be a good time to bring up where this thing was headed. The response wasn't as I expected - "slow, I want to take things real slow, it's my new thing." I suspect I might have been the victim of another guy treating her wrong in a relationship that got off to a fast start...I think I should "thank" all the jerks out there that make it tough for a guy like me! However, I maybe I really should thank them - I've been told I've been much appreciated by some members of the fairer sex for not being a douchebag.
So we went on a couple more dates, but they had a decidedly different tenor. She seemed worried any time the conversation would even scrape the surface of anything past the next date or even if I suggested a time out that went past the boundaries of the "traditional" date and more into the realm of a more familiar relationship - going shopping for instance was a bit iffy - she kept making excuses for why she had other places to be before we got comfortable and settled in for the evening with one another. Meeting the roommate also took longer than usual.
All the while this trip was looming - what should I do? I'm obviously dating the woman, but it's not serious, exclusive or really anything special despite several dates, us being about a month in, and my meeting of the dad and grandma on a family outing. I was feeling strung along - the bottom line is that she was perfectly comfortable keeping her options open while having me take her out in the evenings and knowing there was always a guy there. So I did what an idiot would do - I brought the subject up again and got the immediate, "I think we're in different places" talk. About halfway through this conversation that would lead me again confused and strung along I realized a very important fact...
...if a woman doesn't like you enough to settle for at least a nominal commitment (girlfriend, boyfriend - nothing too crazy here) than there's really no reason to be spending your time, money, effort, and feelings on something that probably won't turn out - it doesn't matter how nice the girl (in this case Wasilla Susie) is. It's not a failure on either side, just the lack of anything of substance to build on...
At the end of the day dating (especially in Anchorage) is a very fickle beast. It's much like catching lightening in a bottle. Had I caught Wasilla Susie six months from now or a year before she might have been in a different place to really give me a fair shake. If she had caught me a year ago I might not have given her a chance since I was moving all of the time and really didn't feel like having a serious girlfriend (but I certainly wouldn't have strung her along). In dating there's timing issues, chemistry issues, personality issues, life issues, outlook issues and they don't always match up and if they don't match up neither do you...
So my question for the peanut gallery, man or woman, is whether you've ever been on either side of this situation...if you've ever strung someone along to keep your options open or been strung along from a member of the opposite sex. I guess the sports nut in me is wondering what's worse - having an offense that is absolutely terrible and frustrating and never gets anywhere close to the goal line (my dating life circa 1998) or being able to continually get in the 'red zone' and never being able to score - not even a field goal (this story). Any comments on the latter metaphor would also be very welcome :)
Well, here's to a good offense - my advice is to not run the option to the short side of the field when you're in the red zone (ok, I have no idea what that means in terms of dating, but it sounds good because it's late and I worked 12 hours today).
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox...
I could think of no better first story than the specific story that inspired me to start writing - it happened very recently and while it wasn't the worst date I've ever had, it was probably right up there...
Everything with "Miss S" and I had been going surprisingly well for the first couple of dates. Against my usual policy I got her number at a local Anchorage bar (I try to avoid "picking up" women at bars - they tend just to be a meat market), but she seemed nice and to be quite honest I hadn't dated anyone it about a month so it was time for me to get back into the game anyway. Our first phone call went pretty well - I seemed to make her laugh pretty easily and we made a date for that Thursday.
Thursday came around and I picked her up and took her to a local cafe - dinner was surprisingly easy, the conversation flowed as easily as the good wine we had. Since I didn't feel comfortable driving right away and I don't think she wanted the evening to end we thought we would go get some after dinner coffee. The only bad thing was that the after-dinner coffee turned into an after dinner cocktail. Now, I'm sure most out there probably can take alcohol much better than I can, but I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking so if I wasn't in a position to drive before I definitely wasn't able to drive then.
Luckily, at about the same time Miss S got a text from her friend and we trekked over to another downtown establishment, but not before my newly uninhibited self was able to steal a couple of kisses. In any case I got to meet a few of the friends, switch to Diet Coke, and generally make a favorable impression on the friends - I was doing well indeed. So well, in fact, that Miss S thought it would be a good idea if I came over to her place to continue to "sober up." Since we had spent about 2 hours at the last place drinking Diet Cokes vice wine and cocktails I was sober as a judge, but when it comes to beautiful women I also have the willpower of cooked pasta so off to her place we went!
---- I'm going to stop here quickly and let everyone know that I know this was a mistake, despite Anchorage being a crazy place to date I still like to take responsibility for my own actions, at this point with work the next day and it generally not being a good idea to take a girl home on the first real date I probably should have called it a night.
Ok, so we get back to her place, she takes the dog out, and then we start getting comfortable on the couch. Things are going swimmingly when she abruptly gets up, starts turning off the lights, turns to me, and says, "What do you think?" I responded with my usual Midwestern plainspeak, "I think you're turning off the lights." Well, a few more witty comments like that and I was sleeping over.
I can almost see my readership (all seven of you) snickering like a live, studio audience as the scene fades to black, but let me assure you that things were relatively chaste that night. I'm usually not one to kiss and tell (this isn't a sex blog), but sex does change a lot of things and that definitely didn't happen this night.
The next night was also very nice - we were both actually so tired from staying up late the previous night we both fell asleep watching a movie. I was invited out the next day and accepted...
Now the real meat and potatoes of this story happens on Saturday, our third evening spending time with one another...
I do want to preface this part of the story by stating that, yes, I do go out, I party, I even drink (usually not to excess and I admit that I'm usually the DD), and I even have a few crazy party stories of my own from college and my young career. The point is that I am not a prude, and I do like to have a good time...
We started at her place, we had gone out with a few other friends to the Aces game and it was a good time and had returned. I was waiting while Miss R, Miss S' wingman, and Miss S changed into their "going out clothes." After a bit The Sandwich showed up. The Sandwich is a married guy with a kid on the way so I was a little surprised he was going out with us, but he seemed friendly and since he was married, basically non threatening.
The group started at McGinleys - it was all very relaxed - just a group of old and new friends hanging out when Miss S got a text from some neighbors at The Shed - a karaoke/dance place downtown. We made it over there and I couldn't resist putting my name in for a good Neil Diamond song. I'm not a huge fan, but I do a pretty good impression and the crowd generally seems to like it. This is where I found out The Sandwich was Miss S' regular dance partner. They went downstairs to dance while I waited for my name to be called with the rest of the group.
I sang my song and everything went quite well (I even had a few "groupies" try and hit on me, but I was on a date) and since my song was over I could step in for The Sandwich and have a little fun on the dance floor with Miss S. At least, that was the plan...it turns out that it was hard to cut in between Miss S and The Sandwich. So I danced besides them by myself for a couple of songs. At this point some of my groupies were looking at this lone wolf (or fox, I guess) on the dance floor and wondering why they hell I wasn't even making an effort to hit on them. As far as they knew I was a single guy at a singles bar on the dance floor by himself doing nothing but resisting advances from attractive women. I had thought Miss S would get the hint by this time it might be time to actually dance with the guy she was dating, but this was not to be. Since I would be very uncomfortable dancing with other women while I considered myself "on a date" I headed back upstairs - I don't think the Sandwich or Miss S noticed I was even there. Over the next hour or so Miss S would come upstairs every once in a while to check on the group, but it was mostly downstairs to dance with the Sandwich.
They eventually came back upstairs about 30 minutes before the 2:15 closing time. Miss S remarked that she was sorry she missed my song, but that she was having such a good time she didn't want the night to end. She also just happened to know an after hours place called "The Kodiak." She also mentioned that it was Anchorage's finest gay bar. I had thought about bailing on them at The Shed, but I decided not to since I was the DD and they were pretty far from home on a cold Anchorage night. Since things seemed to be taking a turn for the better I decided, against my better judgment, to go with the group to the Kodiak to check things out.
Once we entered things got even better from there - Miss S and I chatted and she assured me that the only reason she dances with the Sandwich was that he was married and she felt comfortable dancing with him and that she desired to have another "real" date with me - maybe we could cook a meal together or something. At this point I agreed since things were looking up. She finished her drink and returned to the dance floor. Again, I tried to dance with my date, but again, it was not to be. The Sandwich was there yet again and the dancing got dirtier and dirtier. At this point I was trying to laugh it off, but underneath I was getting extremely annoyed. Since I was in a position to dance either with a straight woman or a gay man I chose to sit at the bar and contemplate my existence.
This is where I met D - a big, well dressed, black, gay man. He immediately realized I was straight, but "oh so hot honey." D was very curious why I was at a gay bar by myself and I pointed over to the mirror on the far wall where the Sandwich had Miss S pinned against the mirror grinding on her and was nuzzling her neck. I stated, "that's my date." D felt very sad for me and I have to say I agreed with him - this date was now in a pretty sad state of affairs. I will say though, that D was the best part of the evening - he was witty, fun - and undeniably "King of the Gays" at the Kodiak. Everyone knew him, came up to him, said hi, hit on me, and then found out I was straight - I felt like the Belle of the Ball. Meanwhile I noticed that Miss S was the first one, although I have to admit not the last, to climb up on the bar and start dancing with...you guessed it...the Sandwich.
At this point I'm not sure what was worse - that was date was getting ground upon on top of the bar, or the fact she probably didn't notice she was doing it right above her date...come to think of it, I'm still not sure...
Well, they eventually got down and went back to the mirror, D had to leave and I was there again, alone and unafraid at the gay bar. Since I had been pounding the Diet Cokes I really had the break the seal so I went to the restroom. It's a unisex restroom and the people who occupied it before me were two heavyset ladies doing anything but using the toilet. However, I really didn't have an option at this point so I went in. Going back to my seat, however, I realized I had lost the Sandwich and Miss S. They were gone. I decided to give it 10 more minutes before leaving when I spotted an acquaintance that tried to hook me up with her buxom friend who already had her hand pretty far up on my leg. I wasn't really in the mood to hit on another women at this point - especially in a bar - so I declined and bailed.
Before I left I sent a text explaining my absence and that if she wanted a "nice guy" (she had remarked that's what she was looking for) this probably wasn't the way to go about doing it. She replied, "U mad at me?" I explained that I would have been had I been able to find her and wasn't busy fending off women and gay dudes. Once I got home she called and tried to explain. Things really weren't getting through so I went over to explain myself. She talked about having a "dynamic" personality that could both look for a nice guy and also dance up on the bar and that she usually didn't take her dates out for nights on the town. "Plus," she added, "the Sandwich is home with his wife, and you're here with me at the end of the night."
The next day when calling her about our date I brought up the subject again and we both decided that part of her personality wasn't exactly what I was looking for in a woman - especially the part that will grind on another guy all night while leaving her date to fend for himself. It was pretty telling that after I explained how I usually go about things there was just silence at the end of the line - I guess after that night there really wasn't much to say...
So my question for anyone who wants to take a crack at it - especially the women - how do you behave in group situations with your date? How about when you're "on the town?" Am I just that much of a prude? Should I have given her another chance? Any comments as well are welcome!
Until next time...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
Everything with "Miss S" and I had been going surprisingly well for the first couple of dates. Against my usual policy I got her number at a local Anchorage bar (I try to avoid "picking up" women at bars - they tend just to be a meat market), but she seemed nice and to be quite honest I hadn't dated anyone it about a month so it was time for me to get back into the game anyway. Our first phone call went pretty well - I seemed to make her laugh pretty easily and we made a date for that Thursday.
Thursday came around and I picked her up and took her to a local cafe - dinner was surprisingly easy, the conversation flowed as easily as the good wine we had. Since I didn't feel comfortable driving right away and I don't think she wanted the evening to end we thought we would go get some after dinner coffee. The only bad thing was that the after-dinner coffee turned into an after dinner cocktail. Now, I'm sure most out there probably can take alcohol much better than I can, but I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking so if I wasn't in a position to drive before I definitely wasn't able to drive then.
Luckily, at about the same time Miss S got a text from her friend and we trekked over to another downtown establishment, but not before my newly uninhibited self was able to steal a couple of kisses. In any case I got to meet a few of the friends, switch to Diet Coke, and generally make a favorable impression on the friends - I was doing well indeed. So well, in fact, that Miss S thought it would be a good idea if I came over to her place to continue to "sober up." Since we had spent about 2 hours at the last place drinking Diet Cokes vice wine and cocktails I was sober as a judge, but when it comes to beautiful women I also have the willpower of cooked pasta so off to her place we went!
---- I'm going to stop here quickly and let everyone know that I know this was a mistake, despite Anchorage being a crazy place to date I still like to take responsibility for my own actions, at this point with work the next day and it generally not being a good idea to take a girl home on the first real date I probably should have called it a night.
Ok, so we get back to her place, she takes the dog out, and then we start getting comfortable on the couch. Things are going swimmingly when she abruptly gets up, starts turning off the lights, turns to me, and says, "What do you think?" I responded with my usual Midwestern plainspeak, "I think you're turning off the lights." Well, a few more witty comments like that and I was sleeping over.
I can almost see my readership (all seven of you) snickering like a live, studio audience as the scene fades to black, but let me assure you that things were relatively chaste that night. I'm usually not one to kiss and tell (this isn't a sex blog), but sex does change a lot of things and that definitely didn't happen this night.
The next night was also very nice - we were both actually so tired from staying up late the previous night we both fell asleep watching a movie. I was invited out the next day and accepted...
Now the real meat and potatoes of this story happens on Saturday, our third evening spending time with one another...
I do want to preface this part of the story by stating that, yes, I do go out, I party, I even drink (usually not to excess and I admit that I'm usually the DD), and I even have a few crazy party stories of my own from college and my young career. The point is that I am not a prude, and I do like to have a good time...
We started at her place, we had gone out with a few other friends to the Aces game and it was a good time and had returned. I was waiting while Miss R, Miss S' wingman, and Miss S changed into their "going out clothes." After a bit The Sandwich showed up. The Sandwich is a married guy with a kid on the way so I was a little surprised he was going out with us, but he seemed friendly and since he was married, basically non threatening.
The group started at McGinleys - it was all very relaxed - just a group of old and new friends hanging out when Miss S got a text from some neighbors at The Shed - a karaoke/dance place downtown. We made it over there and I couldn't resist putting my name in for a good Neil Diamond song. I'm not a huge fan, but I do a pretty good impression and the crowd generally seems to like it. This is where I found out The Sandwich was Miss S' regular dance partner. They went downstairs to dance while I waited for my name to be called with the rest of the group.
I sang my song and everything went quite well (I even had a few "groupies" try and hit on me, but I was on a date) and since my song was over I could step in for The Sandwich and have a little fun on the dance floor with Miss S. At least, that was the plan...it turns out that it was hard to cut in between Miss S and The Sandwich. So I danced besides them by myself for a couple of songs. At this point some of my groupies were looking at this lone wolf (or fox, I guess) on the dance floor and wondering why they hell I wasn't even making an effort to hit on them. As far as they knew I was a single guy at a singles bar on the dance floor by himself doing nothing but resisting advances from attractive women. I had thought Miss S would get the hint by this time it might be time to actually dance with the guy she was dating, but this was not to be. Since I would be very uncomfortable dancing with other women while I considered myself "on a date" I headed back upstairs - I don't think the Sandwich or Miss S noticed I was even there. Over the next hour or so Miss S would come upstairs every once in a while to check on the group, but it was mostly downstairs to dance with the Sandwich.
They eventually came back upstairs about 30 minutes before the 2:15 closing time. Miss S remarked that she was sorry she missed my song, but that she was having such a good time she didn't want the night to end. She also just happened to know an after hours place called "The Kodiak." She also mentioned that it was Anchorage's finest gay bar. I had thought about bailing on them at The Shed, but I decided not to since I was the DD and they were pretty far from home on a cold Anchorage night. Since things seemed to be taking a turn for the better I decided, against my better judgment, to go with the group to the Kodiak to check things out.
Once we entered things got even better from there - Miss S and I chatted and she assured me that the only reason she dances with the Sandwich was that he was married and she felt comfortable dancing with him and that she desired to have another "real" date with me - maybe we could cook a meal together or something. At this point I agreed since things were looking up. She finished her drink and returned to the dance floor. Again, I tried to dance with my date, but again, it was not to be. The Sandwich was there yet again and the dancing got dirtier and dirtier. At this point I was trying to laugh it off, but underneath I was getting extremely annoyed. Since I was in a position to dance either with a straight woman or a gay man I chose to sit at the bar and contemplate my existence.
This is where I met D - a big, well dressed, black, gay man. He immediately realized I was straight, but "oh so hot honey." D was very curious why I was at a gay bar by myself and I pointed over to the mirror on the far wall where the Sandwich had Miss S pinned against the mirror grinding on her and was nuzzling her neck. I stated, "that's my date." D felt very sad for me and I have to say I agreed with him - this date was now in a pretty sad state of affairs. I will say though, that D was the best part of the evening - he was witty, fun - and undeniably "King of the Gays" at the Kodiak. Everyone knew him, came up to him, said hi, hit on me, and then found out I was straight - I felt like the Belle of the Ball. Meanwhile I noticed that Miss S was the first one, although I have to admit not the last, to climb up on the bar and start dancing with...you guessed it...the Sandwich.
At this point I'm not sure what was worse - that was date was getting ground upon on top of the bar, or the fact she probably didn't notice she was doing it right above her date...come to think of it, I'm still not sure...
Well, they eventually got down and went back to the mirror, D had to leave and I was there again, alone and unafraid at the gay bar. Since I had been pounding the Diet Cokes I really had the break the seal so I went to the restroom. It's a unisex restroom and the people who occupied it before me were two heavyset ladies doing anything but using the toilet. However, I really didn't have an option at this point so I went in. Going back to my seat, however, I realized I had lost the Sandwich and Miss S. They were gone. I decided to give it 10 more minutes before leaving when I spotted an acquaintance that tried to hook me up with her buxom friend who already had her hand pretty far up on my leg. I wasn't really in the mood to hit on another women at this point - especially in a bar - so I declined and bailed.
Before I left I sent a text explaining my absence and that if she wanted a "nice guy" (she had remarked that's what she was looking for) this probably wasn't the way to go about doing it. She replied, "U mad at me?" I explained that I would have been had I been able to find her and wasn't busy fending off women and gay dudes. Once I got home she called and tried to explain. Things really weren't getting through so I went over to explain myself. She talked about having a "dynamic" personality that could both look for a nice guy and also dance up on the bar and that she usually didn't take her dates out for nights on the town. "Plus," she added, "the Sandwich is home with his wife, and you're here with me at the end of the night."
The next day when calling her about our date I brought up the subject again and we both decided that part of her personality wasn't exactly what I was looking for in a woman - especially the part that will grind on another guy all night while leaving her date to fend for himself. It was pretty telling that after I explained how I usually go about things there was just silence at the end of the line - I guess after that night there really wasn't much to say...
So my question for anyone who wants to take a crack at it - especially the women - how do you behave in group situations with your date? How about when you're "on the town?" Am I just that much of a prude? Should I have given her another chance? Any comments as well are welcome!
Until next time...
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
Welcome to the newest blog on the "jitterbeangirl" site - Proverbs of the Arctic Fox...
I'll be blogging under the name "AirForceKush." I'm a co-worker of the jitterbean girl here and have many trials and tribulations dealing with the fairer sex since I arrived in Anchorage about 10 months ago. I'm a 23 (almost 24) year old male with a good job, good friends, and a few crazy dating experiences. In the following entries some characters will join our cast - Miss S, Wasilla Susie, The Queen, and more! We will also have some guest bloggers to share some of their tales of Anchorage glory and defeat.
The genesis of this blog came from me telling yet another story about another bad date in Anchorage. I soon found that everyone in the room had a similar story or had learned similar lessons while dating in Anchorage. My favorite turned into the title of this blog - the fellow telling the story opened with, "Well, she had a 'biohazard' tattoo...that was the first sign something was wrong..." I'm not sure what they're putting in the water up here - but it seems that Anchorage is an especially unusual place for dating.
So with that I thought I would tackle the oft-discussed subjects of dating and relationships in the Anchroage area from the perspective of a self-described "nice guy" that just wants a relationship with a nice, attractive girl that approaches something normal. I never thought that this would be that difficult a task, but it seems to be almost insurmountable. I'll probably stray from the subject a few times to give my musings on current events, but hopefully at the end of the day this blog will be a good, entertaining way to get some of these thoughts off my chest while getting an outside perspective from readers.
Enjoy!
AirForceKush - aka - The Arctic Fox
